Forward.

So, we are married.

It was super fun and I can’t tell you how much it meant to have so many wonderful people there to celebrate with us. It really drove home to both of us how loved and fortunate we are in this life of ours.

And things have been a goddamn whirlwind ever since! (And before.)

A quit his job and his last day was the day before the wedding. He took a new job in Idaho and moved out one week after our honeymoon.

I am quitting my job in four weeks and will be joining A in Idaho. We are this [] close to actually getting to Boise, where we hope to land. It will be sooooo nice to be in the same place again. I want to be newlyweds TOGETHER.

We put the house up for sale, thinking someone might take a look at it later this spring. We close with buyers this Friday at 4:00 p.m.

I still have some stuff to move out, but tonight is my last night at this house. I have been here for 9 years. That is the longest I’ve lived somewhere since leaving my parents house 20 years ago. It is a little scary, but very exciting.

We are so,so ready for this new adventure. We are both scared that we are making stupid choices, but damn. I don’t see how else the life we want is going to be the life we live.

So, here we go.

Friday Five

1.  A.

2.  and

3.  I

4.  are

5.  ENGAGED!!!

Yep!

I did not see the proposal coming at all. A. took me up to his favorite mountain range, to his favorite valley, and gave me a handmade fly box. Inside it said, "Marry me."

I DIED.

Even coming up on our ninth year together, I am pretty damn excited about this development.

Yay!

Friday Five, 03.01.2013

1. Dogs never fail to amaze me. DOGS. Their capacity for joy, and gratefulness and unconditional love just makes my heart swell. (And if this is nothing more than anthropomorphic daydreams, I don't care. I am rolling with it. Though, I do believe these sweet beings are capable of all that and more.)

2. I am so thankful for the sweet pups at home, especially this week. Their ridiculous enthusiasm for damn near everything is so refreshing.

It has been a miserable week. I don't remember why Monday sucked, but it did. Tuesday was a real whopper of a Tuesday. (Fucking Tuesdays. Why are they so soul-sucking?) In the morning, I forgot to put on makeup (???), my watch, my rings, and left my phone on my nightstand.

It stormed all day, and the roads around town and the highways were covered in slippery powdery snow with black ice underneath.  I got rear-ended at a stop sign, and I could't pull any info out of the guy that hit me. Thankfully, I wasn't hurt, nor was the other driver. I decided not to call the cops because my car didn't look any worse for wear but for a couple of scratches. His car, however, has some crunched up bits on his hood and headlight. I am pretty sure he didn't have insurance.

I regretted that decision and wished I'd pushed him enough to at least get his name. His license plate was covered by snow, and I didn't get the number.

I pretty much felt like an idiot all night long. And I had a headache. Then I remembered I did not have a phone to call the cops with, regardless. Oh, well! Live and learn, I suppose.

Then, last night, I finally did it. I locked both my office and car keys in my office, after hours, with no one around to let me in. At least I had my phone!

I left a message for A. to come get me and I was about to leave the building to go for a walk. (Why not? Plus, it wasn't very windy and one must snap up those opportunities if one wishes to remain sane going into March.) I noticed two oddly bulky figures at the end of the long hallway, dressed in all black. Could it be? It was! Campus Police! They were able to let me in my office provided I showed them some ID. Whew!

3. I would so love to visit hospitals and nursing homes with Winston, and Belle, if she'd like it. I think Winston would love it. As far as we can tell, he hasn't met a person he doesn't want to love on. Plus, I would  feel so damn fulfilled seeing some joy come to these folks' day. That kind of shit just makes me weepy-happy.

I have no faith, whatsoever, in my ability to train Winston for such endeavors. Don't get me wrong; he is a great dog and learns quickly. For the most part his behavior is totally acceptable.

However, I can't even stick to it to consistently train him to stay. I have been pretty lax about remembering to say "ouch" and ignore him when he mouths me with his teeth, and lately he has been jumping on me when I am heading over to fill up his dog bowl for dinner. I don't find this acceptable. So. I need to get consistent. He is so damn smart that he picks up on what he is supposed to do and what is naughty right away. When I do say ouch, the next time I am petting me he makes it a point to give my hand lots of teeth-free kisses. So really, any annoying habits fall squarely on me.

I need to get my ass in gear. I need to follow through on something, for fuck's sake. (There's a frustration for another post or five million. Anyway.)

4. Winston is so active! It is impossible to get any good pictures of him because he just cannot sit still that long. And when he wears himself out he is just - OUT. Immediately and completely. Sound ass asleep and you can even MOVE HIS LIMBS AROUND and he doesn't awaken. He will play so hard and then is comatose. It is fucking adorable.

Play?

He keeps us from being as lazy as well, I am inclined to be, and I love it. I would like to give him more walks, but I am a wuss when it comes to facing 30 mph wind and 10-degree weather. I accept and embrace that as a fault without any guilt. But still, I love going for walks, as do the pups.

I need to teach him some tricks to wear him out when we are housebound. Have you ever taught a dog any tricks? Which ones? I feel kind of hokey about it as I have never been a parent to a dog that had any interest in tricks, toys, etc. But he is whip smart and learning stuff keeps him entertained and occupied. And it so fun to watch the little wheels turning in Mr. Fuzzypants' mind as he learns something new.

He is pretty damn cute.

Belle tolerates him, and they play together occasionally. He is just too much of a firecracker for her right now. I do hope she grows to care for him. That weighs very heavily on my heart. I give her extra snuggles and secret Belle-only car rides to bring her some happiness. My sweet Belle.

5. I left my first-ever passive aggressive note on a driver's windshield today! This dick completely straddled two parking spots. And the parking lines were clearly visible and not hidden by ice and snow. I started the note out quite straightforwardly in an effort not to be a passive-aggressive asshole myself. I asked that if they were unaware they had parked like a dipshit unobservant person, to please pay more attention in the future. Then I went off about how if yes, they DID know they parked like a jerk, they should be ashamed of their selfish and discourteous act and thanks for pissing me right the hell off.

Heh.

I am glad this week is nearly over. Happy Friday to you!

Friday Five 01.28.13

1. Winston is settling in well and we are welcoming the changes to our lives that accompany him. But boy, he is definitely a puppy and definitely an Aussie puppy. It takes quite a bit to tire him out and if we don’t manage it, we pay for it with a crazy puppy. For the most part, that is a fine thing. A. and I are off our butts much less as a result.

And truly, he is a very good dog. He is energetic and wants to play all! the! time! He isn’t mischievous and has picked up on the house rules very quickly. He does sneak in some towel chewing and unravelling every now and then, however. I was afraid he’d sneak off to chew on A.’s collection of elk and deer antlers, but he has sniffed them, liked them once, and moved on. I suppose I am relieved as A. really does like the antlers. But if I am being honest, I certainly would not have minded if Winston had decreased the size of the collection. (They are so pointy. And without bodies. They are weird.)

2. When A. and I are gone all day it is a bit too long for Winston to entertain himself. I got home to find him digging and mighty fine hole to China, and his white hair was COVERED in mud. Belle just smiled and wagged her tail in this lovely, graceful rhythm she has when she is pleased. I am thinking she may have started the hole, and then let him get in trouble. Fantastic!

He was so damn happy I was home that he ran around the house like a lunatic, flinging mud everywhere. Belle just casually strolled in, smiling all the while.

I am thinking of tethering a tennis ball (somehow??) to the fence. I will put PVC pipe around the rope so that Winston can’t get himself wrapped up and choke himself. He is such a spazz that is a definite possibility. That should be a fun toy to keep him entertained, right? He will also have a kong outside, and maybe another ball. Maybe I will “hide” the kong with treats and he can sniff it down. Any ideas on how to help a puppy entertain himself would be appreciated.

3. Belle is starting to warm up to Winston. Sometimes I catch them curled up on the sofa together at the end of the day. Winston follows her around with the sweetest puppy dog eyes. He LOVES her. They are playing together more, and she has even been caught giving him kisses.

I think she might play with him more if we get her feeling better. She is starting to show signs of arthritis in her front legs and elbows. I hate to even admit that. I feel like I am failing her or something by just saying that. She has always been such an active and healthy girl that it is hard to see her slow down.

But, by letting myself admit she is getting older (13!) I can see to it that she feels her best. We are starting her on the usual glucosamine and chondroitine and some other pain pill. The pain pill can’t be an anti-inflammatory, however, because her liver enzymes are a bit high. So, we are starting her on some livers meds, too.

Hopefully the combo will loosen her up and make her feel better.

4.  A. got a job! It is here in town, so we are not moving anytime soon. I have mixed feelings about the job and that we are staying put for a while. The people at the company he is joining are known for loving their jobs and staying on for years. Hopefully this means it will be an atmosphere A. will enjoy. But it is not in his field. It won’t necessarily help him build skills or meet people that could eventually lead him to his field, either. I really want him to work in his field and know what it is like to enjoy going to work, you know? Plus, the work he wants to do is important and he would be so good at it.

I would still like to move. I like living here and am getting more involved with matters of the community. I volunteer on the Design Committee for our local Main Street program (LOVE. IT. I so wish I could do this for a living!). I am happy to be here long enough to see some of our projects completed.

I love the little diner downtown where A. and I have Friday dinner. We are becoming regulars, and it tickles me pink.

But I want the adventure of a new place! We have been considering Boise, ID. Though most of Idaho scares the shit out of me, Boise seems pretty great. And it has FANTASTIC fly fishing in any direction.

A. is relieved to contribute to the household income and I can’t fault him for feeling uneasy the last couple of months. (We were doing just fine, but he was still anxious.) I really liked being the sole breadwinner. I loved that A. did not have to go to a job where he was miserable for 8-9 hours a day. Man, the weight that used to be on my heart was heavier than I had realized.

I became more sympathetic toward the stereotypical 1950s husband. A. conquered a whole list of maintenance items, did most of the laundry, kept the house up and had dinner ready when I arrived home at least three nights a week. It was awesome coming home and having nothing to do but relax. It would be easy to get used to that kind of treatment. It would also be easy to take that for granted.

5. So, yeah. Things are changing. As they always do.

Happy Friday to you!

Your Name is Winston

Winston never sits still long enough for a clear picture.

Meet Winston.

Our new nine-month-old puppy.

A puppy. An Aussie puppy. Sweet geezus.

Oakley, (Winston) found his way to us after two different homes and the pound. He is only nine months old and already so many homes! He is super sweet and affectionate and trusting. I can’t believe the spirit of this little guy.

His first owner (and I mean owner, not parent) was a student at a local automotive tech school. These students are in town for 8 months and then they split, as soon as their for-profit, extortionist schooling is finished. So, already this did not bode too well for Mr. Fluffypants. He was left alone in the house constantly and received very little training. He wasn’t even housebroken completely. The story goes that Oakley managed to turn on a faucet while home alone.

He landed in the pound.

This is not a no-kill shelter. This is not a good situation in which to find yourself.

A former co-worker of A.’s, Doctor,  adopted Oakley. He and his wife are great puppy parents. They cared for him and got all the necessary shots, exams, and had him fixed. They took him to an obedience class, and loved on him. But Oakley is a busy, busy little dude. Doctor and Wife are rather quiet, very tame, sorts of people. Active, but gentle. And their little King Charles Spaniel is very timid and didn’t take to Oakley’s rambunctiousness at all.

Doctor called A. to see if we would be interested in adopting Oakley. Doctor worked with A. throughout Buster’s illness and passing. He knows how much A. loves animals. He also knew we were starting to look to add to our family.

Belle and Oakley met and seemed to get along fine. They were both tickled during our introductory walk together. We decided to go for it!

Belle is warming up nicely to him. She’s made sure he knows she is the boss around here (she’s already taught us) and is even starting to run around and play with him. YAY!

After a couple of days with us, A. and I decided that the name Oakley really didn’t feel right. While we didn’t want to give this little guy a third name, we just couldn’t live with Oakley. A.’s first suggestion was Winston, and boy if that didn’t sound just right.

Your name is Winston.

Friday Five

1. This morning has been very eventful and sad.

I walked out to my car this morning and smelled a skunk. Residual skunk smell in the early morning is not too unusual, but I still glanced around. I mean, you just do not ignore the smell of a skunk, you know?

Not 20 yards from my car there was a large (and who are we kidding - ADORABLE) fur ball of black and white.

Fantastic.

I carefully walked back to the house to warn A. not to let Belle out front. (She loves skunks.) He asked if the skunk was moving but I only noticed it lift its head. A skunk out in daylight that can hardly move. This isn't good news for anybody-- human, canine, or otherwise.

I looked ridiculous as I tiptoed to my car to make sure the little guy wasn't playing possum (ha!) and ambush me with its sure-to-be-rabid teeth. (Gaaaaah.) Nope. Still could hardly move. As I drove around our circular drive it tried to lift its tail at me, at which time I hauled ass in my little Civic. The skunk's tail was awkward and almost sideways. Something was clearly not right with this animal.

I called A. and he said he'd seen the skunk's behavior. As I continued to drive down the dirt road to the highway I saw a neighbors' two dogs running around. I hoped they wouldn't blaze over to our house.

2. My dear, sweet, sensitive A. had to start his day off by killing an animal in pain or the final throes of rabies. He loaded his shotgun, ended its life and came in the house, only to find Belle missing.

He looked everywhere. He thought maybe she got outside. Maybe he hallucinated and actually shot her, instead of the skunk. He was getting anxious, to say the least.

He finally found her, hiding under a bed at the farthest corner of the house. He is afraid she saw him kill and bury the animal and is now scared of him. Oh, my god. Our Belle, who isn't scared of a damn thing, is hiding. Maybe hiding from A. Oh, hell.

3. My heart is breaking for my little family, and for the poor skunk. What a shitty way to start the day.

4. I figured out that my favorite homemade drink, a Whiskey Sour, is 11 goddamn points in Weight Watchers. That is nearly half of my daily allowance.

Does anyone know how to make a simple syrup with fake sugar? I try to avoid the fake bullshit foods, but maybe I can make simple syrup that is half sugar and half cancer-causing fakeness. Maybe agave would work and be less points?

Suggestions, folks?

On the other side of this expensive drink issue - a fitness questions! What the hell can I do to burn off enough calories to fit in a couple of these a week?! Sprint lunges while carrying a 100-lb bar across my shoulders? What the hell. Aging sucks.

5. I've lost 20 pounds! I did not know I had 20 pounds to lose, not really. The weight crept up  over eight years or so and I still had the mental image of myself as a 25-year-old. I was always shocked by pictures of myself.  Apparently, I can be selective about reality, too, just like Fox News!

I look like myself again, and I feel great. My belly doesn't hurt and doesn't get in the way. My jawline is back! I am pleased. I have 5 more pounds to my "goal weight" but really, I am happy right now.

Happy Friday to you!

Deliberate

A.'s last day of work was just over a week ago. He's gone hunting twice, and we have some elk in the freezer. He is so much more relaxed and I don't feel like crying every Sunday evening, knowing he is about to start another miserable week at a job he loathes.

Things are good.

A. has set up a schedule for himself, similar to what is recommended for freelancers who work from home. Instead of work, though, he is job hunting, tweaking resumes, and writing cover letters. I am glad that he is only dedicating a few hours a day to this, because otherwise I think he'll get depressed and frustrated. I think having a schedule and treating it like a job will help him focus and keep things in perspective. I hope.

A. has been spending his afternoons working on household projects, decluttering, (WAHOO!!), chopping firewood and cooking me dinner. 

He has dinner ready for me when I get home from work. To a clean house. I could totally get used to this lifestyle. (He is so sweet - he tries to make dinners that won't cost me a gazillion Points. He is so awesome, you guys.)

So far the budget seems to be working out. I discontinued my (rather generous, if I do say) monthly donation to our local NPR station and gave up my locker rental at the gym. I am still making a donation to our state-wide food bank. That will be the last of any charity gifts to go. I've considered giving up my work parking pass, but finding parking nearby anytime after 7:15 a.m. is nearly impossible. Eh. We will eat out much less, maybe once or twice a month as a treat. That is ok. Why not have things in life that feel like treats, rather than entitlements?

If I find enough workout DVDs that I like, I may cancel my gym membership as well. It isn't very expensive, but it would be a few more dollars in the budget cushion.

Do you have any fitness DVDs that you like? I am waiting for a copy of "The Bar Method" to arrive. It is based on the foundations of ballet, and supposedly can tone you up like a mofo. But slender-like and not Hulk-like. I also have the "30 Day Shred" and it kicks my ass. I am nowhere near in shape enough to even attempt something like "Insanity." One of my sisters has already burned her way through that program. She is looking for something else to do - that is harder. She is my hero.

I have a few yoga DVDs that I like quite a bit, and feel covered on that front. Once/if we get some snowpack I hope to do plenty of cross country skiing, too. We can get to free trails withing a 15-minute drive from our house, so it is a pretty inexpensive and awesome workout in the winter.

Do you have any workout or money-saving tips? We do a lot of things already. We don't have a fancypants coffee daily, we cook at home, etc. I've been unplugging everything at night. EVERYTHING. It is awesome - you'd be amazed at the background noise everything makes with plugged in.

I kind of like this - it feels like a competition to see how inexpensively we can live and still be happy. Tips, please!

Ramblings

I believe I've mentioned here that A. is very unhappy in his current job. It is in a field he detests and his workplace is positively toxic. His health has suffered; he doesn’t sleep well, he has frequent headaches and his acid reflux is nearly constant. Not to mention he is very, very unhappy.

He put in his notice a month ago. Next Friday is his last day!

I am so relieved! I’ve been recommending this for months and months, but he finally saw for himself that it was a good and necessary move.

It is scary, for sure. He does not have another job lined up yet. I hope that he will find ways to stay active and remember his self worth, even if he is not earning money. I, personally, think he will contribute to our family in a wonderful way, regardless of income. Money isn’t everything. But happiness is.

I’ve been ruminating on happiness for some time. I’ve been freaking out about the role money plays in structuring our lives, and effectively stamping out happiness. Of all the distractions that cost us money, time, and happiness. Really, is an iPad or iPhone necessary? And not only that, is it necessary to improve upon models annually and for consumers to updgrade? What is upgrading, after all? The smartphones and super gadgets are all cool, and truly feats of engineering genius. I appreciate that, and don’t think innovation in and of itself is a bad thing. But most innovation just creates products we’ve been trained we need. We automatically value innovation and equal it to “progress.” Do we really even need cell phones, let alone smartphones? Not really.

It is a spiraling train of thought, and I often find it overwhelming and frightening. But I really, really want to find a way for A. and I to define our lives the way we need to in order to be happy and not to meet some standard forced upon on us and approved by the current capitalist system. It is not working, this mainstream idea of the good life. (I don’t think we are any “better” or whatnot than the mainstream, and am not interested in being contrarian just for the sake of it. I just don’t know if we can find happiness this way.)

We are going to be a one-income family for a while. For how long, we do not know. I’ve been considering things to cut back on or even eliminate entirely both to help bring some breathing room into our budget, but also to remove unnecessary distractions. I want to chuck the TV altogether, but A. really enjoys watching baseball and hockey. Of course, with the hockey players on strike that argument is currently moot. Unfortunately, I am a simpleton that cannot keep myself from getting sucked into the TV. If it is on, I am a zombie.)

I have an iPhone, and I do use it quite a bit. I will readily admit that it is fun to do all the stuff you can with it. I love having a live calendar and adore Instagram. But otherwise? I wonder if it is just a harmful distraction. I ignore A. more than I think I do, I am sure. I do not need Words with Friends or the Rachel Maddow app. (Though I looooove having access to her show - I have such a huge crush on her.)

Should I unplug? Suck it up and pay the early termination fee from Gigantic Cell Phone Company and get a pre-paid, less sexy phone? I would save $540 a year. And would hopefully quit ignoring A. Why am I so hesitant?

Thoughts?

Selflessness

We need more of this in the world. More selflessness and more caring.

I can't tell you how much I needed to hear this story about a guy moving his hummer in front of some kids in a crosswalk to keep them from being run over.

Friday Five

1. Health Kick Update!

I've lost 11 pounds and I feel SO MUCH BETTER. My gut feels better, I don't feel uncomfortable. It is great. I'd like to lose 12 more and that will put me at my goal. My goal is 7 pounds heavier than the itty-bitty weight I'd managed to stay at all throughout my 20s without any effort. (Why, oh why, did I not realize I was smokin' hot?!?! So many days not in shorts, skirts, or a bikini and FOR WHAT? Anyway.)

I do not think Itty-Bitty Weight is going to be possible without tears.So, in my late 30s a 7 pound compromise it is.

Weight Watchers is pretty easy, for the most part. Although I am so very sad at how points-expensive alcohol is. DAMN IT THAT IS NOT FAIR. I am also so much more active and it just feels so good! I am still a total weakling and totally out of shape, but am slowing starting to get better.

Of course, last night I went out of control and ate 5 slices of this AMAZING thin crust, wood-fired pizza at a new restaurant in town. So. Yummy. Also had two dirty martinis that were so damn good they went down smooth. I haven't had a martini in about three years. They should have been more difficult to drink.

Yay for a good restaurant with a great bartender!

Shit.

2. It is a damn good thing A. and I are going to get fire wood over the weekend. If that doesn't earn me about a gazillion points I will be seriously distraught. It is so much work to get fire wood! Carrying trees! Huge trees! All fucking day!

3. The original plan was to spend all weekend getting firewood. However, A. received some bad news this morning.

A. grew up with three families, basically. His family spent holidays, went on vacations, went camping, etc. with two other families. Well, the mother in one of the families, B,  was diagnosed with cancer throughout her body a couple of months ago.

She is not doing well. Her pain cannot be managed and so they've called in Hospice. All of the kids are heading back to be with her again. (They've been there every few weeks since the diagnosis.) The saddest part is her daughter is eight months pregnant with her second child and cannot travel to see her. It is really difficult on the daughter.

So, A. is losing what is like another mother to him, too. I am so heartbroken for all of them. I've met B and visit her frequently. (They are in a town about 45 minutes from here.) She is a really wonderful person.

I've watched this before with my own mother. I would be surprised if she has another month.

So. Long, shitty story short, we will be spending one of our weekend days visiting B and the family.

4.  I am so worried about A. He hates his job SO MUCH, has been applying to other jobs and not getting anything, feels like a failure with FIVE FUCKING DEGREES, has an employee he supervises that his boss HATES, the stability of his job is actually totally up in the air, and now this. I just wish I could love and hug all of this away for him.

5. We have not adopted a new pup yet. We are going to talk about it more this weekend. I am calling a couple of nearby shelters to see if it is possible for Belle to come with and meet potential siblings.

I'd like to foster, though the (HORRIBLE) shelter in town does not have a fostering program. They try to deny they are a kill shelter, but they are. If they do not have enough room, then someone gets put down. I can't think about it because I literally start to spiral into a super freakout. Then I want to adopt all the babies.

I honestly do not know how I will walk out of there with one pup and know I am leaving the others behind. Oh, God.

Bonus: I've often thought I should try to start a no-kill shelter in town. I haven't the foggiest idea how to start. I suppose the Humane Society or ASPCA would have some info?

Happy Friday to you! Hug those close to your for me.

To Increase Our Family or Not?

I was fly fishing in some of the most beautiful country over the weekend. It was great; we camped in a really isolated spot on Saturday and just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves. Belle even had a great time!

Belle was a total trooper. She swap through the large stream without hesitation. While I was holding her on her leash, she kept circling me. First, shed run into a faster current and run up it, biting at the water. Then she'd hit the less fast but still deep water and run through that, sprinting for land. Then she'd haul ass around me and do it all over again. You'd never guess she's 12.

We are considering adopting another dog. I've found about 28,397 on Petfinder.com that I'd like to adopt. Both mine and A.'s main concern is whether the new pup will be someone Belle will take to. We don't want her last few years with us made miserable by a dog she can't stand.

When we puppysat Smuckers, we had him for over a week. Belle didn't pay him the slightest attention, but rather hid in her favorite spots most of the time.

Smuckers was rambunctious and kind of crazy and she just didn't want to put up with it. The last thing I want is for her to hide. I want her happy and playing and smiling, like she was this weekend.  So, we are hoping we can take her with us to meet any potential new babies and hope that she sends us a clear signal if she likes someone.

I hate for her to be without a companion all day, I hate that there are sweethearts needing to be adopted. But I don't want to disrupt Belle's life more than I have to.

Friday Five

1. I went to a driving range last night and tried to swing a golf club for the first time in my life. A. is a pretty good golfer and was quite patient trying to teach me the basics.

He laughed a lot.

I looked like an rusty robot trying to swing a club while having computer glitches. It was pretty awesome.

The weather was perfect, the grass was green, the company fantastic. It was a great night.

2. Boy, I miss the hell out of Buster. But I am spoiling the shit out of Belle, and boy, that is fun as all get-out.

3. I am trying to wrangle all my electronic clutter. (HOLY FUCK, THIS IS A BIG, ANNOYING PROJECT. Any tips?)

I'd like to consolidate my online photos. Which site do you prefer: Picassa, Flickr, or Photobucket? I kind of hate the Picassa desktop application and prefer GIMP for photo editing. Is it worth it to buy a Pro account at Flickr?

4. I am applying for two jobs. I loooove the first position, but might not be very good at it. The other I would totally kick ass but love it less.

5. A. and I will be attending our first Rockies game of the season tomorrow. I cannot believe how bad the team is this year. They make their past few seasons look stellar in comparison. The past few seasons have not been stellar.

I am looking forward to a stadium beer and hot dog, the sound of the crowd, the crack of the bat, the breeze in the air. Oh, I can't wait.

What are your weekend plans?

Happy Friday to you!

Thank You, But I Would Really Rather Sleep In

The past weekend was filled with family. A.'s mom retired so we all put together a small, sweet, SURPRISE retirement party for her. We totally got her; she had NO IDEA. So fun! She even asked A. and I to come up for the weekend a few days earlier and was totally perturbed when we told her we had plans. She was so happy to see us. So. Fun.

The four nieces and nephews on that side of our family where there, too. They have almost grown out of the stage where at least one is crying at nearly all times, and boy, it makes a huge difference in my ability to enjoy having all the little monkeys around.

I am quite thankful, however, that I do see these little people so frequently. We all just fall into step and march along, quite comfortable with each other. I am delighted to help them out with projects and am also not the least bit hesitant to remind them to tell someone "thank you." It is a nice, warm, encounter with these guys. I like it.

++++

Regardless of my ability to insist on manners from small people, it seems I am still incapable of becoming an actual adult. And it is starting to make me feel like shit.

I simply cannot get to work on time. I am always 15 to 20 minutes late. (Part of this is I am burnt out, but 99% of it is something else all together.)

It's almost as though I cannot, for the life of me, imagine what a relaxing, early morning looks like. And therefore, I have no ability to get up and create that morning, because I just don't even know what it looks like.

I have never been a morning person, even as a child. And it is especially horrible in the winter. I have distinct memories of feeling positively miserable in the morning and eating breakfast before elementary school, all the while it was still dark outside and gloomy inside. That has never left me. I hate winter mornings so very much.

I am so embarrassed by this, but maybe if I admit out the the Internet Universe I will finally find a way to deal with it.

It makes me feel so stupid.

Anyway.

What do you like to do with your time in the mornings? Watch the news or read the paper? Catch up on housework so your evenings are free? Talk on the phone with family? I need to come up with a small, easy activity that will motivate me to change. I just can't take it anymore.

Friday Five

1. My day started with A. delivering the news that the little Mountain Bluebird pair that had taken up residence in one of our birdhouses has been run off by the goddamn sparrows again. A tiny egg was on the lawn, smashed up, and the bird box was empty.

2. Does anyone know if it is possible to discourage sparrows from nesting/hanging out but still encourage other birds? Fucking sparrows.

3. I am pretty crabby today.

4. I am experiencing steady success with Weight Watchers. And yet, last night, I went off the rails. I just HAD to have a giant piece of cake, a beer, and of course, CHEESE. Now I have to be really good for five more days. Sometimes I am stupid.

5. I've been fly-fishing quite a bit already this season. We had virtually no snow in the area, so the rivers are not very high or fast. It is too bad, but it has extended the season!

My first catch of the season was a 16-inch cutthroat. Not bad!

Happy Friday to you!

My Heart's Chambers are Filled with Friends

Last week I was in Washington, DC* and New York City visiting and celebrating with friends. It was one of the best trips I've ever taken. I am still bouncing around, happy from it all.


Highlights::

• Staying at my friend, Doe's, house. This place will always, always, feel like home. I love it there (and Doe) so very much.
• All the green things and flowers that grow in the area this time of year. It is so diverse and rich and wonderful. 
• Hanging with JV and little V, who is almost one! 
• Brunch with JB and Bibliodiva. Funny story: JB used to annoy the HELL out of me. And now he is someone I love. Quite fiercely, in fact. And Bibliodiva is such a good friend. I mean that in all its possible depth. We've stayed in touch over the years and have grown closer. I do treasure her so. I think of her often in my day, but most especially when I wear a slip, knit, proofread, and shine my shoes.
• The National Gallery East Wing. I love visiting Rothko. 
• Who am I kidding? I love the West Wing as well.
• Traveling with V. There is nothing like a train ride with a sick one-year-old! (I thought she did very well, but her mama was pretty stressed.)
• Lunch at Union Station with the woman who has had the most profound impact on my professional self, as well as personal. She knows exactly when and how to call bullshit to facilitate the most growth. Love you, L!
• Meeting Alice.
• Dinner at a fantastic Lebanese restaurant in one of my favorite neighborhoods, Old Town, VA with my most favorite Republicans. They also happen to be my favorite everything. 
• Meeting my sister-in-law and her honey in Hell's Kitchen. I think I had the best burger I've ever had. It was so fun to see them on their own turf.
• Walking around NYC and not getting lost! Go, me!
• DPR getting hooded with his PhD from Columbia. I might have cried a bit. Frequently. We have known each other since our first semester of freshman year. For nearly eight years we were inseparable, and then I made a questionable decision and moved away. (Grad school.) I am insanely proud of him. 
• Partying with old and new friends alike!

I miss all of these people so much. I am so fortunate to call all these fine folks my friends, but I still reserve the right to complain that we are nearly 2,000 miles apart. Regardless of who moved first.


I even met a bloggy friend, Alice!!!!! I even got to hear this story - IN PERSON! I didn't experience any awkwardness, especially as she is the very same person in real life as she is online. She is genuine, and I just adore her. Thanks for meeting me in a sketchy Rosslyn bar, Alice!


Stupidly, I did not take any pictures with Alice. I took very few pictures the entire week. This did not surprise A. one bit. As he said, "You get distracted, you know, because you experience the moment, rather than photograph it."  Or, I am a simpleton who cannot remember to get my camera out of my purse.


It was truly a fantastic week. I saw so many people dear to me. I missed a few, too. (RB!!)


Friends are good. They are powerful, indeed.


The title of this post may seem a bit much, but I stand by that statement all the way.


++++


*I feel like a goober spelling out "Washington, DC" instead of just stating, "DC." A. says it is a stuck up Washington-insider type of thing. I don't think so. Do you think of "Washington, DC" or "DC" when you think of that bastion of corruption and super inflated egos?

Friday Five

1.
I am trying to remind myself that all people deserve respect in that they, too, are human beings with their own dreams, disasters, loves, and losses.

But it is so hard in the face of so much stupidity, selfishness, and just plain meanness.

I have a long way to go.

2.
Suddenly, I have become and "involved" sort of person. I am serving on a community committee to form and improvement district through the county and serve on a committee of our local Main Street Program.

Much to my surprise, I am loving it.

3.
My Thesis Advisor is also on this committee. I decided "fuck it," I am doing what I want and giving this man not one more ounce of control over my life, ever again.

4. A. and I watched We Bought a Zoo last night. A few things:

• I cried my eyes out. So many, many things in this movie resonated with me, quite deeply.
• I HHHHHAAAATTTEEEE crying at movies, books, etc. I try to avoid such experiences whenever possible.
• If I were guaranteed to have my child be that little girl, Rosie, I would get knocked up RIGHT NOW. She would be fun to raise. Oh, my lord, did I ever adore her. 
• I want to buy a zoo. 

5.

I leave tomorrow for DC, then I am taking a train to NYC for my best friend's graduation. Mr. Smartypants is getting his PhD. I am so stinking proud of him.  Holy cow, you guys.

I cannot wait! Friends! City noises and commotion! Food!

I am soooo looking forward to the food! I miss good restaurants. Which is a bit of a problem, what with all this Weight Watchers nonsense. I finally, actually, stuck to it for a week and lost 3 pounds! Now I shall gain that all back and more, I am sure! And I will be disheartened.

I'll do the "don't eat bread at dinner," " choose one: a drink or dessert?" kind of stuff, but it shall be no match for the yumminess I have in store. Besides, I am so far removed from such possibilities in my everyday life I am not really creating behaivors I could possibley carry out here.

In other words, this next week is a Special Occasion. And I shall take full advantage of it.

Yay to fabulous restaurants!  DCers - what are some of your favorite places? Also, want to try to meet up somehow?

Happy Friday to you!

Cheese is Expensive

I still miss Buster so much. But, I am feeling a bit better. I do smile when I think of him, instead of cry every time.


++++


So. For the very first time in my life, I am going to try to lose weight. I don't say that as anything but a naked statement. I was pretty lucky to have the metabolism of a chipmunk for most of my life. That has, ahem, changed. 


I have joined Weight Watchers online. No way am I going to "meetings." Not an option. At all. A. is totally on board and helpful so far. Although, he brought a cookie home for me last night, which was sweet. He chirped, "It is a zero-point cookie!" He is a cutie.


I am clueless as to how to go about this. They seem to have a lot of articles and stuff so I think I will be able to figure it all out. I know quite a few people who have been on and remain on this plan, and it seems pretty healthy. So, that is good, I guess.


I am not going to lie: I do not have the best attitude. I do not mind cutting back on portions too much, but damn, I do mind having to pay attention to that yummy micro-brew beer I enjoy while watching the baseball game. And cheese. CHEESE! Cheese is so "point" expensive. CHEESE. 


My concession today is to drink my coffee black. I just earned myself two points of cheese! I do not mind this too much. However, if this is how I am going to start my day at the office I will need to bring in some good coffee. Now I am looking forward to going to the local coffee roaster and picking out a couple of new coffees. I can't get anything too dark as my coworkers will likely freak out. I do not know the first thing about different kinds of roasts and beans, so this little project should keep my occupied for a while.


How about you? Have you ever tried to lose weight? I am certain my downfall is going to be in the evening, after dinner. I am pretty sure I snack a helluva lot.


Also, are any of you coffee connoissuers? 

Dogs Everywhere

It is so strange to be a family of three. It just does not feel right. It feels so empty and awkward. I miss my boy, Buster. 

I feel guilty that I think this way, as though I am betraying Belle. Beautiful Belle, who is right next to me.

A. and I are trying to establish some new daily routines with Belle, so that all of us can adjust and move on as we must. The lucky girl gets lots of extra walks, as that is about her favorite thing to do. (Her absolute favorite is chasing something at full speed.) 

Swistle articulated how I am feeling perfectly: I know Buster is gone, I just don't believe it yet.

++++

On Saturday, a very sweet, little, female pit bull pranced right into our house. She was quite affectionate and seemed submissive to Belle. She loooved to give kisses. After many phone calls, left messages, and contacting the sheriff, we took her to the local shelter. We just weren't sure she and Belle would get along overnight, and she was a total spazz in the house. I never knew dogs could bounce off of walls. Literally. Cats? Sure. Dogs? Holy shit, annoying.

Anyway, turns out she belongs to a neighbor that moved in a few months ago. A. feels bad that he took a neighbor's dog to the pound, but how could we know? Hopefully they will get her an ID tag with their number on it.

++++

A. and I are going to visit his folks next weekend. A good 50% of the reasoning for this trip is so Belle can hang out and play with Sadie, A.'s mom's dog. She needs some good dog time.

Buster, 2000 - 2012

He looked up into A.’s eyes as he went.

++++

After slow but steady improvement, Buster’s health took a quick and decisive turn for the worst Friday night. Belle, A., and I went down first thing Saturday morning and spent some time with him, loving on him, calling him all his many nicknames. Then we let him go.

It is the hardest thing I have ever done.

++++

Buster. Silly Goose. Goose. Orange-headed Goose. Damn Goose. Buster Butt. Orange-headed Mutt. Damn Mutt. Super Mutt. Littlest Boy. Little Guy. My Baby.

++++

I remember exactly when I fell in love with Buster. We were snuggling close, and I was petting the back of his neck. His hair changed from super soft orange to soft orange and black to course black and blond. I was studying the different colors and textures.

If anyone hurts a single hair on your body, I will kill them. The thought came to me clear as day and as genuine as a sunrise. I loved every single hair on that dog and every breath he took.

Buster was simply the sweetest dog. There is not other way to describe him, cliche as it may be. He was 100% love and innocence. He was the epitome of a good dog. He was perfect. Really. He trusted everyone. He was so loyal. My goodness, it warmed my heart to see how much he loved A. Buster would look me right in the eye and just love me.  His big, beautiful, incredibly dark brown eyes, rimmed in black. I am so glad A. was his daddy. Anyone less tender and kind could have really hurt Buster.

Buster just wanted to be with the people. (Though kids? Not so much.) He always wanted pets and loves. He’d stick his nose under your arm or hand and nudge you for pets. His ears were the softest I’d ever felt. That was his favorite spot. If you rubbed his ear just right he’d lean in and moan. He was a champion snuggler. He’d curl up with us, right in our armpits. He’d have his nose one inch from my face and snuggle in for a long session of cuddles. He’d sleep on my feet. He always let out a big sigh when he was settled in for the night.I miss the weight of him so, so much.

We always teased him, saying he wasn’t very bright, but that is not actually true. He was a very quick learner. He figured out to tip over the auto-waterer thing when it was almost empty. He’d just take a paw and knock it over, matter-of-factly.

His favorite place in the house was a spot where the sun shined just right in front of the wood stove. He’d just lay there and cook himself, happy as can be.

When he was happy and content he would roll over on his back and squiggle and scratch, using of his hind legs to really get some momentum going. He’d stand back up and shake, then pant and grin at us.

I could go on and on. I loved everything about this dog.

I am not used to talking about him in the past tense.

I feel like I am still supposed to go to Fort Collins and pick him up. How is he just gone? Just like that? I watched him go. I knew the very instant he was gone. It literally took my breath away.  I just don’t believe it. And, yet, I have cried for days straight. I cry at the slightest mention of him or when I look at the places he liked to nap. I look outside our window and can imagine him trotting around, just as I’d seen him do just days ago.

How is he just gone? I am so very, very sad.

Friday Five

1. I am exhausted. Basically, on Wednesday night it seemed that we would be saying bye to Buster if his health did not improve within a couple of days. Of course, he woke up perky the next morning. (Yay!!! Roller coasters are fun!) It was a tiny improvement, but it meant a lot to me. Wednesday night he didn't really care I was there to visit. He did not attempt to get out of his crate to see me, or go outside or anything. Thursday he walked to his potty appointments and up to me and was perky-ish. He did not wag his tail, but he definitely paid attention to me. 


He is slooooowly improving and is not out of the woods yet. I have been working half days and driving to Fort Collins for 15-minute visits with Buster. Totally worth it. I even brought Belle yesterday and they set it up so she could visit him, too! I am telling you, the CSU Vet Teaching Hospital is fucking fantastic.


2. Apparently, the Universe did not think I was freaking out enough about the well-being of dogs. When Belle and I were walking up to the hospital entrance yesterday we had to make way for the Humane Society van. They were unloading a hurt dog for emergency treatment. Oh, hello. My heart is dead now, thanks. 


My mind raced through all the possible worst-case scenarios of how this poor pup came to be in this sad situation and I walked in to the hospital crying. I had left the day before crying. 


I am a real treat to be around, lately.


3. So, this extended (and unexpected) puppy hospital stay has put a rather large DENT in our budget. LARGE. 


But I still want my new dryer!!! (Insert self-pitying sniffle here.)


What do I do, Internet? Keep the dryer or return it? It hasn't even been delivered yet, so I am sure returning it won't be a problem.


4. My heart is so heavy for A. He loves Buster so much and is so, so tender toward him. It is amazing. And heart-wrenching.


5. On the drive home last night, a car came up on me really fast and then passed me on a two-lane highway with a double yellow line! I was so pissed! I flipped the driver off.


It was a highway patrol.


Oopsies.


Happy Friday to you!