Dear Mr. Vending Machine Man:
You are well aware I must—no less than twice a week—eat Pop Tarts for breakfast.
I have always appreciated your discretion. If word were to get out that I crave this overly-processed concoction, even with its one daily serving of “fruit,” my reputation as a hard-ass health nut within this community nutrition organization could be compromised.
I am writing to request that you stop stocking the machine on the second floor, far from my department, with Pop Tarts of the Apple Strudel variety. Have you noticed that it is always that Pop Tart waiting to be distributed when you come by to restock? I do believe this is because no one likes the Apple Strudel Pop Tart, and once the first one appears to be dispensed all Pop Tart sales stop immediately and do not resume until something more suitable, such as Frosted Strawberry or Frosted Cherry is available.
The thing is, the Apple Strudel crumbles apart and isn’t very yummy straight out of the foil. It must be warmed up to be palatable.
I can’t be seen at the company toaster with a Pop Tart.
You understand, don’t you? Please stop stocking the Apple Strudel Pop Tart. Perhaps extra Frosted Blueberry Pop Tarts would be an appropriate substitute?
Thank you for your time and consideration in this delicate matter.