Whether or not to put two teaspoons of sugar in my coffee or a packet of Splenda.
NO SHIT. I really need not feel so insecure about every decision in my life. Geez. I am not kidding about being paralyzed with this decision. Because, what was the right decision and will I be happy with it? Lordy. There is some fodder for another lengthy, scary post, eh? Also, you can imagine how much I squirm trying to make a decision at the hair salon, no?
Anyway. I went with the sugar. At least I can pronounce it and I know it is minimally processed. It occurs in nature (yes? Or am I stretching the truth, here?) and I am not introducing crazy, manufactured concoctions into my body. I even know that this particular sugar was processed in the northern part of my state, so bonus points for local food from my foodscape!
But I am hypoglycemic, and if I don't watch my diet, sugar can really throw me for a loop. So, substituting Splenda for raw sugar every now and then has its benefits. I don't like feeling as though my legs are not connected to my body at 3:00 p.m. in the afternoon, or being so disoriented as to not know where I am, or sometimes, who I am. So, I limit sugar when I can. (Um, right. I bake cookies at least once a week...)
***I e-mailed professor K. from my department to see if she would discuss serving on my thesis committee over coffee. She replied that she'd be delighted to serve on my committee, and even more delighted to visit together. (Woo hoo!!) She and I are meeting tomorrow over the lunch hour to review my prospectus, discuss my lit review, and to chit chat and catch up a bit. She and I have always gotten along very well, and I was her teaching assistant for two of her undergraduate classes. In fact, the most challenging and rewarding class of my entire academic career, The Ecology of Knowledge, was developed and taught by her. That class was one of my favorite experiences of my life. (Nerd? Yes!) Damn, that class was amazing.
Also, A. and I met in her class.
I think K. is one of the most brilliant minds I've ever encountered. In particular, I am always blown away by her ability to see patterns. In everything. Patterns of thought, patterns or speech, patterns of behaviour, patterns of knowledge, patterns of learning, patterns of consciousness, even. The stuff she is interested in blows my mind. Truly, hers is a mind I respect entirely.
She is also an excellent writer. She sees writing as a necessary vehicle to convey information, yes, but also as an expressive craft that deserves uninterrupted attention. Needless to say, I have much re-writing to do as well as hours of careful proofreading. ;-) I am a little bit scared of this task, as it is daunting, as writing for her always is, but am also gingerly anticipating the work with a bit of excitement.
Even though she isn't going to be my chair, she doesn't do anything halfway and I know she will be involved in my work. There will be no half-assed work passing for acceptable here. (I might be in deep shit!)
I am a bit nervous about our meeting. To be honest, I don't know if I could tell you what I am writing about at this point. Truly. Much of what I am working on now is muddling through all the vague, pointless suggestions of Advisor #1, my own mediocre approach to the material and whittling my project down to something I can get my head around. So, I've decided to put myself out there and have a frank discussion with K. about the situation I find myself in. (But, I will be careful not to mention Advisor #1 and what it was like to work with him. I am sure she will understand that without my saying it, and I don't need to put her in a position to hear negative comments about a colleague. I'll spare her that.) Whenever we are discussing something, she picks up on my patterns of thought that my worrying and fretting keeps me oblivious to and gently points out ideas I am hitting upon. It seems like she is almost saying, "See. You know more than you think." Or, she is really good at planting ideas and making me feel like I came up with it all on my own. Whichever. I am really counting on that quality of hers to shine through.
I have to help her help me, right?
(Why, WHY, do I let grad school and The Thesis riddle me with doubt about my abilities?)