I had the most disturbing, vivid dream last night. Again, it was one of those that when I woke up and fell back asleep I rejoined the dream where I left off.
I was pregnant. Twice.
AT THE SAME TIME. OMG.
Somehow I got pregnant with a second baby when I was a few months pregnant with the first. Now, it wasn't just that I was doubly pregnant that was so stressful, it was that I was pregnant at all. I really don't want children, so dreams where I HAVE to have children stress me out very, very much. (I have these dreams frequently.) To the point where I am all weepy and sad and stressed when I wake up. And for most of the day.
(How foolish will I feel if I do want a child later? Eh. Doubtful.)
(Also, nevermind how much I hate that I worry/think about this in the first place - what does it do to my feminist cred, after all: Does this make me evil? Less woman? No, no. I know it doesn't. Do I? Gah. NEVERMIND.)
Anyway. I gave birth to the first baby, a boy, in some weirdass clinic that had to close because something was broken but they let those of us who were there finish delivering. So thoughtful of them! We were all on institutional-green dentist chair-like contraptions, not hospital beds, in the same room. AWKWARD.
I delievered The Boy in about five hours, with only mild discomfort. How is that for awesome! I named him Dylan. Suddenly, Sundry was next to me and was looking for her pants so she could go home. I offered her a pair of mine that I assured her I hadn't delivered my afterbirth in. WEIRD SHIT.
Then, I had the girl. She only weighed five pounds. She was so tiny. Again, a five-hour, not-to-bad delivery. A. was just as stressed as I was about having kids but thought I kicked ass delivery them. So, it wasn't all bad.
I will spare you the many, many, many other details, including not having cribs, caseats, clothes and having to carry the babies in Ann Taylor Loft paper shopping bags. Ann Taylor to the rescue! Oh, and when the boy nursed it was like suction hell, and when the girl nursed, she kept falling asleep and I didn't know if I was supposed to wake her up. She must be hungry, yes?
Anyway. Navigating through today is much like waking up in the Twilight Zone.