Last night I got together with the ladies to play cards. I love our group; I like the ladies (though one requires some extra patience), and it is nice to do something together. We chat and catch up. When I told them A.'s folks, his older sister and her two kids, and my papa bear were staying with us this weekend for A.'s graduation, they sent me home with games and treats for the kids, with more games for me to pick up tomorrow. It was wonderful.
Well, mostly wonderful. I mentioned that I started doing one online puzzle a day to try and sharpen my mind. I explained I took the Brain Age test on my stepmom's Nintendo DS and that it came back with a brain age of 68.
One of the other card players is 72.
One of the ladies tried to cover for my rudeness (insensitivity, ageism?) by saying it just means I have the wisdom of a 68-year-old. Ha! Hardly.
I feel horrible that I was so insensitive. I didn't mean it as an insult, just that it was ironic the test came back more than twice my age. It doesn't matter though; it was still thoughtless and rude.
What should I do? I'd like to apologize to her for my carelessness, but haven't the foggiest how to do it. without coming across as an even bigger asshole. Any advice?
I feel like quite the schmuck.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
That's a toughie. Obviously, you didn't mean to insult her, but I think everyone knows that as people age, their brain power declines. So for you, as a young woman, having a brain age of 68, that would be alarming to you, you know?
ReplyDeleteIf it appears that the 72-year-old woman herself was insulted (rather than just the other women), you could apologize and then say something like, "I'm sure if YOU took that test, it would come back with a brain age of 30!" Or something like that.
Of course, if she has the brain age of a 72-year-old, maybe she's already forgotten the whole thing. :)
I totally agree with pickles and dimes, I like the suggestion of what to say and also the idea that perhaps she's forgotten all about it!
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, perhaps we could share our own foot-in-mouth stories? They always make ME feel better.
Mine: I was having my first important visit at my in-laws (ie. CG was telling them that we were moving in together, that we were "serious") and they pulled out a few carousels of old family slides. We were ALL making fun of the cool seventies fashion when a slide of my now-FIL made me laugh out loud and say "WOW! Love your groovy gold specs!". There was silence as I turned to figure out why the laughing had stopped.
HE HAD THE SAME EXACT GLASSES ON HIS FACE.
Um, yeah. If only the earth could have swallowed me whole at that moment.
We now laugh about it.
And his kids all thanked me because he went out the next week and bought new glasses frames for the first time in over 40 years.
Man, I HATE it when I do stuff like this.
ReplyDeleteReally, though? I think that so long as most of the time you're generous and caring, slips like this are forgotten by the "insultee" more quickly than by the "insulter." I've had people apologize to me for little slips WEEKS after the fact, and half the time I don't even know what they're talking about. The other half I'm like, Oh, you thought that was insulting? Good grief.
It's the people who routinely "slip," don't notice, don't apologize, and then get snitty when you don't rearrange your life to spend more time with them (hmm, am I thinking of any of my relatives in particular?)--THAT'S when those foot-in-the-mouth things matter. And the damn insulters don't even notice (or care).
Oh man, I have zillions of those stories. My constant foot-in-mouther is when I'll be complaining to certain of my other mom friends about something or other to do with childrearing, and then finish up with, "Thank God for Jim, at least... I don't know how single moms do it!" And then remember that the person I'm talking to IS a single mom. I've done this like THREE times. And there is NO good way to redeem it.
ReplyDeleteI seriously bet the older woman has totally forgotten about it, though, if she even caught the insult to begin with.