1. Xerox
Go to hell, Xerox. FUCK YOU.
A word of advice, my Five Faithful Readers: Don't ever, ever, ever, under any circumstances WHATSOEVER buy or rent a printer from the Xerox Corporation. (And don't give your "purchasing department" that much freakin' power in choosing the instruments of your slow demise, either. Oh, the hindsight!)
The giant, energy sucking, heavy-breathing big-ass box will not print when you need it to, uh, PRINT. And then, when you call customer service, after reminding them yet again that yes, YES INDEEDY you have a maintenance plan so please no, no, no DON'T YOU DARE charge me for this worthless phone call, you will be asked why, exactly, is it a problem that your printer does not print.
Jesus Christ, I wish I was making this up.
2. When an 11-hour work day seems "short."
Enough said.
3. Extra "projects"
Why is it that freelance work always lands in my lap when I am pulling short 11-hour workdays for my other full-time job?
Oh, yeah. Because I don't know how to say "no." And A. and I are on the brink of the poverty line thanks to our loooooove of grad school, so I suppose my skinny-ass checking account has some sway here.
4. Goosebumps
I get goosebumps on my legs EVERY TIME I sneeze. Then, freakishly, the hair on my legs is longer, as a direct result of the sneeze-induced goosebumps. Weird. ANNOYING. It renders any and all recent shaving sessions completely pointless.
Am I missing the real culprit here? Maybe I should hate the sneezes?
5. Raymond
Arg! Does anyone like the TV show Everyone Hates Raymond? Oh, Jesus! It is called Everyone Loves Raymond or Everyone Hates Raymond? I swear to you that I genuinely cannot remember. Good grief. Anyway, if you do happen to like the show, please, by all means explain its appeal to me.
AAAAHHHHH. Thanks for listening.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
I think it's Everybody Loves Raymond and Everybody Hates Chris (Chris Rock's show).
ReplyDeleteELR is like having to deal with a worthless husband and annoying in-laws by CHOICE. WHY?
I hate that stupid show. And Tessie is right about the names. And that leg hair/sneeze thing is freaky.
ReplyDeleteThat show is terrible. And yet, it is on ALL THE TIME.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it winter there yet? Surely you can stop shaving your legs soon. :)
1) Customer service departments have been driving me incredulously batty recently. Like, "We've made four errors in a row--but good news, now we've made a fifth!" The "why, exactly, is it a problem that your printer does not print" is hilarious in that "it's not funny but it also is" way. The kind of funny that leads to a high-pitched laugh that can only be stopped with a slap.
ReplyDelete4) Sniff pepper or goldenrod or ragweed right before you shave your legs. Extra-close shave!
5) Oh, um. I did like Everybody Loves Raymond. Because it's funny. But I couldn't explain WHY it was funny.