Friday Five

1. I wore my Big Girl Panties all week.

I am terrified of needles. My imagination just goes too far when I think about the needle puncturing my skin, piercing through the different layers and densities if tissue and into my skinny vein. I am convinced that there is weird suctioning going on when in fact, it is just the force of my heartbeat pushing blood into the tube, but still. Skinny, weird suctioning of a needle in my vein! What if it sucks up the other side of my vein INTO the needle?!?!?

I am not kidding. I missed my calling as an artist for X-Files or one of the many CSI shows.

On Tuesday, I got my flu shot, all by myself. I am less worried about suctioning with shots than I am about the whole piercing thing and fluids being forced into muscle tissue. Dear God.

Usually, I am embarrassed to admit, my co-workers escort my wussy ass to make sure I do not chicken out and hide in a hallway. This year, everyone was out of the office when shots were being offered, so I went by myself. I did not even freak out! I know! My heart did not race! It is like I am a grown up woman who can slap away irrational fears or something.

Then, yesterday, I got my blood drawn for a blood chem test. And I only broke out into a small sweat! My heart did not really race. I did not hyperventilate or pass out. And unlike the last time I had my blood drawn, I did not lose my hearing in my left ear as my system went into Super Anxiety Mode. Amazing! A co-worker did go with me and we got our blood drawn at the same time. She told everyone how proud she was of me. I am so ridiculous.

I have always hated needles. I passed out when I got my MMR shot for college. I cried for days when I got, what -- five stitches, when I had two small moles removed. I was a fucking mess during the procedure, and cried for about three days everytime I thought about the stitches. They were at my waist, and I was certain my skin would stretch and then pull the stitches out and ohmygodIamgoingtobarfrightnow.

Maybe I need to amend that sentence up there? Maybe I used to be terrified of needles, but now I just have the normal dislike of being poked and prodded. Huh. I mean, I did pretty damn good when I got my eyebrow stitched up a few months ago, and I never once freaked out about the stitches while they were in.

I think I need to go shopping for a new size of Crazy Pants!

2. I had my annual wellness physical a week or so ago. The PA gave me three recommendations/reminders:

a. Exercise. Exercise. Exercise.
b. Keep wearing my seat belt all the time.
c. Wear a helmet in the shower.

3. A.’s hunting partner called last night and had to cancel this weekend’s hunt. A. is really bummed out. I am bummed because that means he really will have to go hunting next weekend, the last weekend of the season, and can’t join me in Portland for my friend’s wedding. I know quite a few people going to the wedding, and I actually enjoy running around a new city, exploring it on my own. But, still. It would be nice to have A. there. A. has not met any of these friends, and I feel like something is missing. The groom and another couple of guys at the wedding were a big part of my life in college, and I’d like them all to know each other.

4. I am going to read fun books, have drinks with a friend, and knit this weekend. All of this “having a life” sort of stuff is going to come to a screeching halt once I meet with my “Adviser” next Tuesday to discuss the next steps in the completion of The Thesis.

I am pretty fucking grumpy about this. Especially because it coincides with the baseball playoffs. This is yet another reason why I handed it in in August! I wouldn’t have minded missing the Rockies tank.

5. I think I am also going to bake some bread and try my hand at apple pie. It has been in the 70s and 80s for the past two weeks, and I loved it. However, Autumn arrived today and I will try to make the best of the chill in the air.

What are you doing to welcome/make peace with Fall?

Happy Friday to you!

I think Bill is An Asshole and Has Bad Hair

Well, hello there.

It seems, since turning in The Thesis, I have relaxed. So much so, that I could not put in the energy to write a blog post.

Nothing interesting is going on, anyway. I have done little more than read four of the Sookie Stackhouse vampire mysteries and watched the first two episodes of True Blood.  I hated the character Bill immediately, in both the books and the show. The opening credits to the show are fucking brilliant. These stories have been the perfect escape from all the stress I carried on my shoulders until I turned in The Thesis..

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Do you recall that my adviser said he would get back to me in two weeks upon receipt of The Thesis? I turned in my thesis on August 31.

I got an email from him today, October 5, saying he just started reading it.

The good news is that he thinks it is a significant improvement from my previous draft. The bad news is, he has not yet read the shit new sections I threw together on August 31.

Regardless, we are meeting next Tuesday to discuss if I still want to graduate by December. “Because if so, we need to talk.” Talk about what? How it is October 5 and graduation is December 4? How it sure would be nice to have three months to revise and edit The Thesis instead of two? That this is going to be a tight God-damned deadline?

Boy, I sure wish I could have had this talk mid-September!

I am fuming, but ready to move on.

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I am trying to lose weight for the first time in my life. I have lost 5 pounds, maybe. I am still tracking calories and stuff on Sparkpeople, and have started tracking workouts, too.

I miss being 20 and having a metabolism that was sky-high.

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I am going to Portland in a couple of weeks for a dear friend’s wedding. I am anxious to meet his bride; I hope we like each other. It will totally break my heart if we don’t.

Other than visiting and purchasing a couple of delights from Voodoo Doughnut, I have not made plans. Andy will most likely be hunting (he made a commitment to a friend before we got the wedding invite) so I will be prancing around the city on my own. Too bad; we could have eloped at a doughnut shop. That is about the only wedding I think I can truly get behind! I am, however, actually quite excited about the idea of a little adventure, all to myself.

Any suggestions as to what I simply must see or do while there?

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I missed you guys.

Help! Need Suggestions

Hello,

A good friend of mine was in an accident a few days ago. A pop-up trailer disconnected in front of her car and blew threw the windshield and broke her face is six places. She is being released tonight. Thankfully, her hubby and 18-month-old were in the backseat and were unhurt.

I would like to do something for them, obviously. I thought about making a lasagna and putting it in their freezer. What are some other dishes that would be from the "freezes beautifully" section?

What else can I do? Offer to come over a couple nights a week after work to get dinner started, a load of laundry done? Take an afternoon off and take her little girl to the pool so she can rest?

Thoughts?  You guys are of the awesome sort. Any suggestions would be great.

Boy, I am going to party my ass off when it is time to wave goodbye to 2010.

Status of The Thesis: Turned in to Advisor! Ack!

I turned in The Thesis, as is, to my adviser at 9:17 p.m. on Tuesday.

I KNOW.

It was a “directive” from my therapist. To just get The Thesis out into the light of day and for me to quit navel-gazing. She MAY have a point.

I think the draft is crap and that there will be CONSIDERABLE revisions, but dude - it is on my adviser's desk and not mine!!!! It is HIS problem to figure out how to fix that shit. considering he has been totally absent from my thesis journey, I don’t feel too bad about making him earn his paycheck.

I am sooo relaxed right now, let me tell you.

I spent all of Tuesday at the university library, surrounded by young whipper-snappers studying for their Spanish 101 quizzes. I felt old, but thankful I am past those silly early years of a bachelor’s degree. I hauled in all my main sources, I packed a lunch, snacks and dinner, and my laptop. I had on a cute pair of fuschia sweats and cute top, my hair was in a braid. I wore my glasses and didn’t wear any uncomfortable jewelry. I was set for the day.

And it was great. I sat down and just worked away. Tweaked the intro to more closely fit the rest of The Thesis, and wrote the final two chapters. I think having the stress of the quality of the work off of me helped considerably.  I just needed to turn in words on paper. The goal was simply to turn the fucker in, come what may. I just worked steadily without anxiety. It was awesome. Now, there is nothing you can say that will convince me that what I turned in is not total shit, but hey, I just don’t care right now.

Then I promptly caught a cold from all the germy whipper-snappers. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to concentrate on not gagging on my menthol throat drop.

Friday Five

1. I am so flippin' relieved to know I will not be making a mad dash to be on the road by 6:00 p.m. to start an epic road trip. I am full of energy just because I know I won't be trapped in the car this weekend.

2. A very good friend of mine sent me some good advice about my current stand off with The Thesis. (Thanks, MT! Have an awesome weekend with all things Disney!) I am going to tumble around in that advice over the weekend.

3. The students are all returning as university classes start on Monday. It really sucks to live in this town this time of year. SUCKS SO HARD. I am planning to do my grocery shopping at 11:00 p.m. Saturday night. So. Annoyed.

4. Buster has taken to the idea that he cannot go outside to pee in the morning until after he's had his breakfast. A. deals with this nonsense every morning. Buster does his weird staring/backing up thing in A.'s line of vision until he relents and fills his food bowl. After snarfing the food down in 15 seconds (I wish I was kidding), he then prances around nervously, because, DUDE, he has to PEE.

5. Dogs. They are ridiculous.

Happy Friday to you!

Decided. Well, One of Many Things, Anyway.

I wrote this post once today. For whatever reason, it feels positively epic to have try and put it together again. (Also. Blogger, where the fuck did my post go?)

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I have decided not to go to the memorial. While it would be nice to see my family, a 24-hour road trip over the course of 60 or so hours just doesn’t feel reasonable. I think I will write a letter and ask my other uncle to read it at the ceremony.

I feel so much better, so unburdened, since making this decision. Maybe I am selfish jerk, but I just couldn’t face this long trip this weekend.

But, you know what? I think I am finally okay with making decisions now and then that take care of me.

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I am still wrestling with how to proceed on The Thesis. Do I just write 500 words a day and turn it in on Halloween, no matter what? Maybe.

The thing is, The Thesis has just turned into The Fucking Miserable Thing That Needs To Get Done. It isn’t about studying a topic I am interested in, it isn’t even about getting my master’s. I am trying to remember what motivated me to pull up my roots and leave all the people I love in DC to go back to being dirt ass poor and in school. What was it I was looking for? What was my goal, my dream? I didn’t do this because I had a specific career goal necessarily. I want to work in community development in non-profits, but I honestly could have done that without this degree.  If I started an entry-level position in a community development agency I am sure I would have moved up the organization’s ladder and would be doing fulfilling work right about now. (Though, I love my current job.) School kind of got in the way of that, in a sick twist of fate.

Why did I do this?

Maybe if I can rediscover my original motivation I can use that as the reminder I need to just sit down and write every day. Then it might be less about just getting something done, which has very little payoff for me, to accomplishing a larger goal. Instead of finally losing something (the thesis would be gone, finally) I would be gaining something in the form of a larger goal/accomplishment met that means something to me.

Does that make any sense?

Gah.

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I have been pining over a sewing machine for quite some time, now. I think I have narrowed my choice down to this one, a Janome 8077. I think it would be good for a beginner (ME), but that it would allow for me to grow into it with more elaborate projects for many years to come. From reviews I’ve read, it is a good workhorse.

And speaking of projects, I already have a number of them lined up!

• Winter curtains for the house
• Summer curtains
• Curtains for the camper thing that sits in the back of the truck that can’t go anywhere. Might as well be pretty!
• Handmade everyday napkins
• Handmade holiday napkins
• Handmade special occasion napkins
• Handmade neckerchiefs for both A. and I
• A super cool Christmas present for A.’s mom and a couple of friends. (email if you want to know what it is, but you might be one of the recipients! If I get my ass in gear.)
• Kitchen apron
• artist apron (for when I paint)
• fruit and produce cozy’s to protect them in my lunch bag or purse
• Silverware pouch to take silverware along for homemade lunches away from home
• New seat cushion for A.’s grandpa’s cool wooden chair in our living room
• New seat cushions for the couch
• New throw pillows to accompany the new seat cushions on the couch
• New throw pillows for our bed and the guest bed
• Hem the two shirt dresses I have hanging in my closet to accommodate my short legs
• Hem pants to the proper length
• Hem skirts to the proper length
• Hem, take in, re-purpose old or thrift store clothes. (Currently, I am obsessed with this blog.)
• Eventually start to make my own clothes

So, I think I could get some use out of the damn thing. That is, if I knew how to sew. I don’t really know how to sew. I used to sew a little bit as a young girl, and could sew a mean pillow when I was 12. But I haven’t sewn since. I think tracking down a sewing class or mentor would be pretty easy, however.

Thoughts? Do any of you sew? Do you have any machine recommendations?

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Happy Thursday to you!