Tomorrow, I have a meeting with my Thesis Advisor. I am a bit nervous about it, sure, but I am not overcome with anxiety and HOLY SHIT is that ever awesome.
I am in a very, very different place with The Thesis than I was before. (More on that later. Much more.) I am more confident that I can be productive and I can finish the damn thing. However, I don't know what finishing looks like.
A combination of my poor ability to concentrate, massive anxiety attacks around anything to do with The Thesis, resulting avoidance, and, -- when present -- very poor and sporadic "direction" from my former advisor have resulted in me NOT KNOWING WHAT THE HELL I AM DOING.
My question to you, then, is how to I communicate this to my advisor? I have decided not to worry about convincing him that THIS TIME I will finish. Why worry about it? No, I will just let completed work speak for itself and change his mind, if necessary.
But first, I have to get to a VERY CLEAR place with a VERY CLEAR game plan or I am afraid the crippling anxiety might come back. (I am hoping that if there are still some episodes here and there that they will be less severe and more manageable.) The direction I was going never felt comfortable to me; it was just the latest fucking "suggestion" my former advisor threw at me. I never really understood it, and hoped it would come to me as I muddled through readings, observations and surveys. It didn't, but I didn't look for it too hard, either.
The chapter I turned in is a loose rendition of a lit review with some theoretical maneuvering for giggles. I am basically hoping it will serve as a springboard for my advisor and I to discuss just what the hell this thesis can be and help me redefine the problem as something I UNDERSTAND.
I am just nervous how to bring this all up. Thoughts? Suggestions? How, er, blunt should I be with My Advisor? I feel like the more honest I am about where I am - or am not - with regards to The Thesis will result in a more productive meeting. I don't want to bring up the depression and anxiety, necessarily, because I don't want it to appear as an excuse or a reason to treat me with kid gloves. But, I do need my chair to understand that I need some help, some direction at this point.
Erg, what a mess! I cannot freakin' wait to have something esle to fret about. Goodness.
Happy Monday to you!