Friday, July 30, 2010

Friday Five

1. I turned the corner to my desk this morning and was greeted by a beautiful Calla Lily plant. My coworkers chipped in and got it for me as a way to say they are thinking of me after the loss of my uncle.

2. What a blessing to feel so cared for by the people you work next to for 40 hours of every week. I am so, so, so fortunate to work where I do.

3. I am going shopping tonight or tomorrow, as quickly as possible, for a dress to wear to a friends wedding and maybe a few more shirts for work. I hate shopping, and I just want to get it over with.

4. A.'s friend bailed on him on their plans to go up and get firewood this weekend. I REALLY need to wrap up the god damned thesis, and this is my ONLY  free weekend in the next six weeks. I NEED this weekend to be mine.

But I really don't like the idea of A. going up to the mountains with a so-scary-because-it-can-kill-you chainsaw, cutting down huge-ass so-scary-because-they-can-smoosh-you trees. Plus, then he has to cut the trees to size and load them all by himself.

He is totally willing to do this by himself. I am just worried. It seems like a foolish plan to me.

What do I do?

5. It doesn't even feel like summer. I have gone fishing TWICE. Twice! We have only gone to ONE Rockies game (though, damn, they are breaking my heart this year), and we have only gone camping ONCE. WTF?

I am just in a crabby ass mood.

Happy Friday to you! May you not be surrounded by crabby people!

Thursday, July 29, 2010


I found out yesterday that my Uncle John passed away.

He was my favorite uncle when I was growing up. He was so funny. Affectionate. My sisters and I just adored him.

He used to take my sisters and I fishing and camping. He had a real teepee that he set up, and that is what we would camp in. I remember seeing a centipede run across the frying pan (before it was hot), and thinking it was going to be a long night in the teepee.

I am much more sad than I thought I would be. Mostly, however, I am worried for my grandmother. John was my mother's younger brother. My poor grandmother has lost two of her five children. First, my mom, and now John.

Please keep her in your thoughts.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Bitchy Blahs

It is starting to become difficult to get out of bed again. It isn't impossible, but it isn't easy. I don't know if this is a short phase, or if I need to reevalute the meds. Dammit.



I need to do some clothes shopping. I HATE shopping, especially for clothes, but most especially for shoes. I would like a few more slacks and blouses for work, and some shorts. Any tips?

There are exactly TWO clothes stores in town. One is cowboy shit, and the other is cute. Problem is, if you buy something there, 20 other people have the exact same outfit.I also try to only buy stuff on sale. I just hate paying full price. My budget rarely ever allows for such luxuries, anyway.

Again. Advice?

Normally, I would drive either 50 or 70 miles to the nearby towns with some stores. But I don't want to spend that time in the car when I could spend it FINISHING THE GOD DAMNED THESIS.


I would like to learn to sew. I really would.


I think The Thesis may have a helluva lot to do with my current funk. I just want it to be finished. I am making good and steady progress, but fuck, I hate it.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Friday Five


No, that sentiment is not original, but damn is it ever heartfelt.

2. I am going with A. this weekend to be with our friends. It turns out they are going to be spreading the ashes of J.'s parents, so yes. I will most definitely be there.

3. I am taking my laptop and will work in the car. We are leaving tonight after work and the scenic part of the drive will be in the dark. So, I may as well make use of the time. I took your advice and I have two small but distinct goals for the weekend. Hopefully that will help me focus or relax as needed.

4. I have gone to the gym a few times, and am faithfully recording everything I eat and drink. I manage to stay around 2,000 calories, but haven't really put my heart into trying to stay around 1,500. I think it will be quite possible with some planning, but I just haven't put the time into it. As it is, by staying around 2,000 I am consuming about 4- to 500 less calories a day. That's progress, yes?

And damn. If I try to get all the fruit and veggies and fiber in that I am aiming for, I am stuffed. It is pretty cool.

5. We are kenneling the dogs over the weekend. We both hate doing this. They really don't like it - at all. They are both exhibiting separation anxiety, and it just kills me to see little BELLE shivering as we walk away. OH, GOD. I just kills me. My little brave Belle. Shivering from fear of being left.

We do all the recommended stuff - or rather don't do what isn't recommended. We don't coo over them or say bye or look back. We don't make a big deal of it when we pick them up. But still. THEY SHAKE AND SHIVER.

Help me feel better about this. SOMEHOW.

Happy Friday to you.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Need Advice

The Thesis is moving along, and I feel like I have some momentum. I think I can get the near-final draft wrapped up in a week or so.

I stayed home last weekend and caught up on housework and thesis work. I feel more grounded and like I still have a chance of finishing the damn thing. I missed out on a camping and fly fishing trip, but I think it was well worth it. I feel like I have a grip on my sanity and anxiety again. It was starting to get out of control a bit, what with all the trips away from home and lack of time to work on the damn paper. (I skipped fly fishing! I HATE that.)


This weekend, I am supposed to accompany A. on a road trip to one of our favorite towns up north to visit with our friends J. and C. (J. is the one who just lost both his parents.) I really want to see them. I want to see their little 11-month-old girl. She is so adorable and fun. (Who am I? WTF?) We have plans to run around the most beautiful mountain range in the state. It is part theraputic, but also bittersweet. J. is going to be scouting the location to scatter the ashes of his parents. So, it is not really an escape, so much. I feel it is important to support him during this trip. A. will be there, regardless if I go. So, that makes me feel better.

I have two other very dear friends that live in the town that I can visit. A. and I have put this little town on our list of places we are trying to move.


I really, really think I should stay home and write. I don't want to exactly, but I think I should. I think I should take advantage of the momentum while I have it.

Maybe I can take my laptop, work in the car and maybe skip the actual trip to the mountains? Hang out with them over the weekend but take that afternoon or morning to work? Would that be a decent compromise? Gah.

I am so sick of missing out on life because of the The Thesis. I feel guilty that I am ignoring so many people in my life. The best way to get back into my life is to finish the fucker. Duh.

What do I do? What would you do? Advice, please.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Thurs-- Tuesday. Damn.

How in the hell is it only Tuesday night? My goodness, I have gotten more done since 7:00 a.m. on Monday than I usually do in, oh, a month. It is amazing what a plan and a glance at my calendar can accomplish!

However, as a result, I have been fairly convinced that is was Thursday all. damn. day. I am going to just DIE tomorrow. Because tomorrow is only WEDNESDAY. Wha?

I supposed the good news is this means I still have all week to work on the thesis. But damn. I still have a whole week of thesis bullshit of which to look forward.


Friday, July 16, 2010

Friday Five

1. Things are finally starting to slow down just a bit here. Last Thursday I attended the memorial for our friend's parents. I don't know how to explain it other than it was a relief to know that was the last trip of that kind. I know that sounds selfish and horrible, but damn. It has been so emotionally and physically exhausting. I can't imagine how J. and his family are holding up.

2. A. is being very conscientious of his friend and his grieving process. He is adamant that we be a support for him for many months to come. (I agree.) For next weekend, he planned a hiking trip with them. We will meet in the middle of the state; half the distance between us. We are also planning a trip to Billings in a month or so to visit. A. talks to him or chats online with him nearly every day. He is such a good friend, you guys.

3. Another story about what an awesome guy A. is: During one of our trips to visit J. and his dad in the hospital, A. suddenly pulled over on the highway, flipped a U-turn and headed back in the direction we came. I asked him what was going on. He pulled over and pointed.

An antelope (or pronghorn, if you are fussy) was stuck in a fence and was struggling to get out.

A. got out of the car. He told me he was going to go free the animal. He asked if I wanted to come with. I was kind of terrified, but decided yes, I did want to go with him. Just as we were getting out of the car, the antelope freed itself.

He just does stuff like this. You know. The right thing. The thoughtful thing. The generous thing. 


Also, is is so freakin' hot.

Even if he has gotten into the habit of saying, "Shitty motherfuckers" every time he forgets something. (Wha?!)

4. I am trying to lose weight for the first time in my life. (I am not saying that to be smug or anything. I happened to have a kick ass metabolism that, well, doesn't kiss ass so much anymore.)

I am using SparkPeople to track my calories, nutrients, and exercise. It took a while to get going because I cook most things from scratch, and of course the food database is nearly all commercial (processed) products. I had to add in all the recipes I use. I  routinely do the same kind of data entry for the cookbooks I produce at work, so it didn't take too long.

I ate like I normally do and tracked it, and was, shall we say, surprised, by how many calories I was accustomed to snarfing up every day. Enlightenment is humbling.

I don't really know what I am doing, I guess. I am trying to remain within 1,500 - 1,700 calories, get 5 full servings of fruits and veggies, and 25 grams of fiber. I am also trying to make sure that at least 30% of my calories come from protein. I am surprised by how little protein and how many carbs I eat. I thought I was more balanced than that, but no. I was also surprised by how much food you get to eat if you try to incorporate all that fruit and veg (as the Brits would say). Who knew!?

I have nothing to do with the "social" aspect of the site. The thought just annoys the shit out of me for whatever reason.

5. I finally get a weekend to myself to try and wrap up this damn thesis. Please don't ask how The Thesis is going. I am really sick of that question. Thanks!

Happy Friday to you!