Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Make My Decisions for Me, Please. No, REALLY.

My uncle's memorial is this Saturday. I am struggling with whether or not to go. The trip is 12 hours one way and I can't really take any time off from work right now.

My plan is to drive six hours Friday night, finish the trip Saturday morning, attend the memorial and hang out with the family for a few hours, drive four to six hours toward back toward home and finish the trip on Sunday. maybe if I arrive home before 6:00 p.m. I won't feel so fucking wrecked the entire next week.

Normally, I would never drive 24 hours to spend five hours with people. But this is my uncle's memorial. It will also quite likely be the last time I see my grandmother. We are not close, but you know, it is a respect thing.

What do I do?

If I am being hones, I really want to stay home. It is out of a sense of obligation and good old fashioned guilt that I feel like I should go. True, I would like to see everyone, and I would like to be there to say goodbye to my uncle. He had a very, very lonely death. A death that will haunt me for the rest of my days, I am afraid. At least I could be there now, right?

Again, what would you do?


I am tossing around the idea of setting a Final Date for The Thesis. Either it is done or I walk away from it on Halloween.



A. and I got home from work last night at nearly 8:00 p.m. As is my custom, I darted to the bedroom to change into my jammies and shed the ornaments of work: my watch, necklace, rings, earrings, contacts.

It was only then that I noticed I had two very different earrings hanging from my ears. Both were long and beaded, but still quite different. Thankfully, I had worn my hair down so I do not think anyone noticed.

However, what the fuck? I cannot even dress, groom, or accessorize myself properly anymore! I need an honest-to-gawd vacation. NOW.


Happy Wednesday to you!


  1. I keep thinking about the Sunk Cost Theory in re: The Thesis. Regardless of the time/energy you've spent on it, is the MARGINAL required time/energy worth the result?

    I mean, I have no idea, possibly yes, possibly no, but I can see how this is a dilemma.

    Also, I shed my jewelry IMMEDIATELY upon getting home from work, so I feel you there.

  2. I am in no position to be giving any kind of advice (so I won't), but I did want to say that I love your phrase "shed the ornaments of work."

  3. Tess, EXACTLY. I have no idea. Jeezuz.

    Hi, Katharine!

  4. This is why I do not wear jewelry (not so much the matching problem as the I-want-to-get-this-stuff-OFF-me problem). Although fun fact: I am wearing a bracelet right now.

    Re Thesis: there is a third option. Halloween, and just submitting the damn thing, even if it isn't perfect. I mean, if you actually think it would fail, maybe that isn't the best option. But a lot of times these things are further along than you (uh, *one*) think--and if you just submit it, it can officially be Out Of Your Life.

    And about your uncle's memorial: sometimes it is not possible to be there, and that is okay.

  5. i say go to the memorial (mostly because i know exactly the kind of guilt you are talking about)

    find one pair of earrings that do not require being taken out every night (not sure if that is possible)

    and i like the idea of a final date, though i am not sure what type of advice to follow that up with. if the thesis is sucking the life out of you, is it really worth it?

  6. I would skip the memorial. You can honor him without being there. If it were me who had died, I would really rather people do that than go through hell trying to make it to a memorial service for me.

    As far as the thesis, I like Melospiza's suggestion of on Halloween, submitting it no matter what kind of shape it's in. Is that a possibility?

  7. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. But I DO know that going to his funeral won't in any way fix the way he died for HIM, so if it were me I would leave that out of my decision. If it'll help YOU, though, then maybe it's worth it. And if it would matter to your family, then maybe it's worth it.

  8. I totally understand the dilemma about the funeral. Let me ask you this: would you feel more guilty if you didn't go, or more stressed/resentful if you did?

    I always take off my jewelry, contacts and work clothes when I get home from work. Is this not the norm? Am I supposed to wear nice clothes until bedtime, and not Twins t-shirts and running shorts? :)


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