Thursday, February 19, 2009

Cotton Swabs Taste Gross First Thing in the Morning

This morning I registered with the National Marrow Donor Program. It was super easy and I happily discovered that you just submit four cotton swabs from your cheeks rather than say, BLOOD STOLEN FORM YOUR BODY BY A SCARY, SCARY, POKEY NEEDLE.

I have a terribly overactive imagination and the places my brain goes at the thought of someone drilling into my hip bone or cycling my blood through some weird machine and PUTTING IT BACK INTO MY BODY, ALTERED, scares the shit out of me. (Really, I could have been a production designer for the X-Files, or more recently, CSI. I swear.)

However, someone losing hope of recovery from an illness scares me even more. So, I registered.


As I was walking to work this morning, I noticed this older gentleman in front of me. He was a wonderful character. He had shoulder-length, curly, silver hair that was a bit out of control, flowing all over the place from under his maroon stocking cap. The cap was a bit too long so it had this funny sticky-uppy poof thing going on above his head.

He was fumbling with his cell phone, trying to answer an incoming call. He finally found the send button and pushed it, and from what I could hear he and a mate were trying to locate each other. Just as I passed him, the other end of the conversation came in through my other ear. His lady friend was ten feet away from him.

I turned to watch them for a bit, delighted for whatever reason. I waited until they found each other. If they continued to walk next to each other without realized it for too long I think I would have intervened.


Dogs are IDIOTS. And I love them.




I have mentioned before that one of my biggest pet peeves is abandoned shopping carts in parking lots. How can people be SO FUCKING LAZY?!?!?!


Last night I pulled into a parking spot at the grocery store, careful to avoid the TWO ABANDONED SHOPPING CARTS in the PARKING space intended for my CAR. I wrestled the two carts together, totally pissy and smug about it, and proceeded to very awkwardly push them to the nearest SHOPPING CART CORRAL THAT IS SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED AND CONVENIENTLY LOCATED TO HOUSE USED SHOPPING CARTS.

Later, when I returned with my cart full of groceries, there was another shopping cart in the EXACT SAME SPOT the two I had moved earlier.

Funny, Universe. Funny.


  1. I'm happy to know that you don't have to undergo a serious Body Invasion to be a marrow donator.

    Many years ago, I came home to find an abandoned shopping cart on the sidewalk in front of my house (I lived in a BAD neighborhood). It annoyed the crap out of me, to the point I finally called the nearest grocery store (THREE MILES AWAY) to tell them to come get it (it wouldn't have fit in my car). They said sure lady, whatever. Then I assumed they laughed their heads off at me because they never came and got it (some kids moved it eventually).

  2. Arg! Errant shopping carts just drive me batty. But really, the LAZINESS involved just kills me.

    Really? Really, you just could not walk 10 flippin' feet out of courtesy for the next person to park in that spot and their car? Or out of thoughtfulness for the poor minimum-wage worker who has to hunt down and wrestle these shopping carts in Wyoming's 45 mph wind and -10 degree weather? REALLY?


    Also - the registry part is a piece of cake. The actual donation is still scary as all hell. I hope if I am ever a match I can get some Xanax (???) for the certain anxiety attacks I will have. Bah.

  3. i registered for the bone marrow program in college, then my mom found out, and got mad. (!?!?!) she's weird about that sort of stuff.

  4. You know what else I hate? When you see people walking down the street with the grocery store's shopping cart, then later see that same shopping cart abandoned. It happens a lot in the student neighbourhoods and it drives me nuts. But yes, how very lazy of people to leave them in the parking lot.

    Good for you on the bone marrow registry. I should do that.

  5. I registered last year too. I couldn't BELIEVE it was so easy! Ricardo got mad too! I was like WHAT THE FUCK?

    Um. Sorry. But seriously? WTF?

  6. Alice and Tess - I am nervous to tell my papa bear. I can just hear it now: "Great. Now the government has your DNA on file."

    No, really.

  7. Your whole post made me laugh! - Kim

  8. I loved every single moment of this post. Wonderful, just wonderful.

    It's funny about the shopping cart thing. My own mother was HUGE on this, always making one of us return the cart to the CORRAL, not the damn TREE CURB. But now I get it. And I'm glad she stuck to it every single time.

  9. It's awesome that you want to be a marrow donor - thanks for the reminder as I am going to submit my *cheek swab* asap!

  10. I WANT A DOG. That is all I took from this post. I am OBSESSED.

  11. SCARY POKEY NEEDLE references aside, it's great that you're spreading the word about this. The biggest barrier most marrow registries have found is that people aren't aware of how easy it is to get involved: not only does it just take a cheek swab to add yourself to the registry, but you can also contribute through posts like this that tell more people what they need to know (Gift of Life is working on making this even easier). So thanks again for writing a post that makes a difference!


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