A. has been applying for jobs faithfully since April. Originally, we had five towns/cities that we hoped to stay in. Then the search expanded to the Rocky Mountain West. Now, the search is expanding to anywhere there are jobs. Sometimes we think we should stay put, pay off our student loans and set ourselves up for a really good, comfortable move in a few years. Gah.
This is the first time I have moved with someone. What a different experience. Every conversation requires a compromise. Thankfully, we have both been pretty good at remembering to consider the other's needs and wishes and this has made the past few months an exercise in partnership rather than a battle of wills. But it is still ridiculously hard. We don't argue, but we are both stressbots. So, there is that.
Some couples make these kinds of big decisions and moves seem effortless. How the hell do they do that?
What is the most difficult is seeing A. feel discouraged. He worked his butt of in grad school. He graduated with a 4.0! As well as some phenomenal experience from jobs and internships. It is just a super rotten time to look for a job. He is starting to wonder if he will ever move into his field. It breaks my heart.
I am willing to do this as long as it takes, am willing to move somewhere less than perfect so A. can move toward his goals. Totally willing.
+++++
We have a Mountain Bluebird couple who have moved into one of our bird houses. They lived in the other bird house earlier this spring, and even had chicks. Baby birds!
A few weeks ago a sparrow came and killed their chicks.
Why does nature have to be so God-damned balanced?
A. and I were devastated. I wish I was exaggerating here, but I am not. I got teary and A. got MAD. He moved a chair up to the window and kept a slingshot next to it. (What?!?!) He was just watching for the damn sparrow to come back.
The bluebirds came back a few days later and set up home in the other birdhouse. We have taken their protection pretty seriously. In case you hadn't guessed that by now.
Now, A. will suddenly crouch in front of the bedroom or kitchen window, then haul ass out the front door. All I ask is, "Sparrow?" I get a grunt in reply, but then I see him running around the front yard like a maniac and my suspicion is confirmed.
We are confident the bluebirds have eggs in their new nest.
I am totally willing to chase that damn sparrow away, all the while screaming my head off and waving my arms like a damn fool.
Totally willing.
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Believe me, I know what it is like to decide you want to move and then struggle and struggle to make it happen. Especially in this job market. It took us six months from when we decided to move to Denver before we were able to make it happen. We both felt discouraged, like we'd be stuck in DC forever and maybe we were both hallucinating when we thought that we were eminently qualified, hire-able people. But then it happened and now everything is wonderful. I am sure the same will happen for you. And I hope it happens in Denver. I totally understand why you have expanded your search to "anywhere there are jobs" but at the same time I think you will be so much happier if you move somewhere you really want to be. I hope and believe that you will be able to make that happen. And if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.
ReplyDeleteI love you! The visual image of you and A. protecting those bluebirds is hilarious. I would do the exact same thing!
ReplyDeleteI empathize with the moving conundrum. J. and I are going through a similar complicated job/moving situation. Not fun. I'm sending positive, happy thoughts in your direction!
I wish I had some sort of pithy advice to offer here, other than "It will work out, I promise!!!!"
ReplyDeleteWell, and this: as much as the whole job-not-here thing totally sucks, it's so important to get the right job in the right-ish place. Or at least not the wrong job, or the wrong place. Whether a place or a job is wrong can be hard to determine until you're in it, though.
Hard as our move was and still is, things are starting to look up and we're starting to feel like we're doing ok. And I kinda feel like man, if we could do it, ANYONE could do it, because we sure did kick our feet and scream a lot.
During my few months working in the library at the Office of Career Services, I learned that you should plan on spending one month of job searching for every $10K of salary. Yes, yes, there are a whole bunch of other variables to add in there but that's kinda' the average.
ReplyDeleteI know how brutal and demoralizing the job search process can be. So, if A. doesn't find the right job immediately, fret not. This will take time.