ONE. I turned my paper in to "Advisor" earlier this week. He actually read it and sent me feedback within three days. THREE DAYS. Usually I am pumped if I get and recognition of my work within three weeks! And good news: I have some changes to make but they don't seem unreasonable or impossible. My committee should have my paper next week! TWO. APRIL. Sweet Jesus.
April 8 - 14:
Finish paper, send to committee
Finish all University Bullshit Paperwork to graduate
Finish reading books and articles from my Reading List (about 8 items out of 30 at this point)
Try to finagle two or three days off form work to prepare for...
April 15 -17:
My exam! I will get six questions, two from each member of my committee. The questions are based on my reading list. I have to write three essays in response to three of the questions (my choice) over three days.
April 19 - 20:
Out of town for Spring meeting for work
April 21 - 25:
Washington, DC!!!!!
Also, will have to work on presentation for Master's (bummer)
Sometime April 26 - 29:
Present and defend my paper and essay questions.
April 30
Drink heavily
May 7:
GRADUATE.
Oh. My. God.
THREE.
How the fuck this paper is not A Thesis I do not know. It features primary research. It is just re-arranged in "article" format rather than chapter format.
FOUR.
I shall stop wondering why this is not A Thesis. It is making me bitter.
FIVE.
I dreamt the other night that I WAS KATE MIDDLETON.
W.T.F.?!?!
Yes, I may have purchased the issue of Life about William and Kate. But I really do not think I am obsessing over The Royal Wedding.
1. This giving up added sugar thing is HARD. Sugar is everywhere! I really could not tolerate black coffee so I have been using xylitol to sweeten it. The word sounds so scientific and man-made, and yet it is totally natural. And it doesn't leave a weird aftertaste like stevia. And since it does not require insulin to be digested, I am hoping it won't wreak havoc on my body the way other sugars do. It is still a cheat, though, as I am not retraining my palate to enjoy less sweet foods.
2. I slacked off on Masters Shit big time this week and am in full-on PANIC MODE about getting all the necessary reading and writing and testing and paperwork done. I have no one to blame but myself and I have been doing that faithfully. I should quit beating myself up and instead focus that energy on working, yes? I just might learn something yet.
3. For the first time in three months, we can park the truck at the house, instead of halfway down the lane to the road. Almost all of the snow drifts have melted, and it is so awesome.
This may seem lame-o to you, but after being drifted in ALL WINTER, this is some exciting shit around here!
I am trying not to get too damn excited, though, because I know a Spring Storm will eventually blindside us. But, I am going to run some of my errands on foot today and enjoy the weather.
4. A band of sparrows have already been eyeballing our bird house that we keep for Mountain Bluebirds. Bastards. I don't know how we'd try to keep the sparrows away without scaring off the Mountain Bluebirds, too.
I haven't seen the first Mountain Bluebird of the spring yet, but I hope to soon. We usually see them in March.
5. When I fly out to DC in April for a friend's baby shower, I kind of hope I get picked for one of those ridiculously intrusive full-body scans.
I want to see if my IUD and ankle hardware show up in the scanner! That would be so cool and so weird.
After my curiosity is satisfied I will be self-righteously pissed about the intrusive scanners.
1. My doctor and I have been mixing new med cocktails. I think we have hit the right combo, but damn. In the meantime, I have been having such vivid and realistic dreams. I've asked A. about three times about this thing we did/talked about/saw that never happened. I think he is wondering which kind of crazy with which he prefers to live.
2. Also, if I hit snooze, I still go straight into these dream/semi-conscious things. Like mini-dreams, but not REM-like dreams. It is EXHAUSTING. And very disorienting.
I suppose one way around the mini-dream marathon is to quit hitting snooze and just get up.
3. We have had gorgeous temps in the 40s all week. That means the 5-foot drifts are all melting. We've only had about three spots in the road turn into mud pits, but boy. My little Civic has a hard time.
The last time I attempted to drive it to the house I thought I'd be sneaky and avoid one of the mud traps with the deep ruts by driving on the snow to the side of the dirt road.
Uh huh.
I should have known this was a very, very bad idea. As soon as I hit the snow bank that looked deceivingly like a simple, shallow layer of snow, the bank sort of collapsed under my tires, because it was all melty and unstable inside. And also much deeper than I thought. And more stupid. My car violently sunk down into the snow bank. The snow bank that had no structural integrity. A great situation to be in.
I know how Lois Lane felt when her car fell into that horrible, sandy crack in the first Superman movie.
I should have been stuck and high-centered, except that my poor little car crashed down so damn hard that it bounced back up. Bounced. Boingy. Like I had hydraulic shocks installed and was listening to some norteno music. I need a flashier paint job to really pull that off, though. But I am totally bad-ass enough. Totally.
I gunned it while in the air and caught some new snow. Basically, I was off-roading in a civic. The view outside my windshield never stayed the same for more than half a second. I was all over the place. Just bouncing and revving and swerving and it was ridiculous. It was even more bouncy and jolty that when A. drives the truck on rutted two-track roads and sagebrush while out hunting. RIDICULOUS.
You guys. I looked like an idiot woman driver! I gave credence to that infuriating stereotype!
My car seems to be running fine. Tough little thing. It is now parked at the highway and we take the four-wheel drive truck that has clearance to the highway from the house.
4. Everyone near and dear to me are having babies and it is starting to mess with my head.
5. Prior to this little warm spell, I bought Buster a coat to wear. He doesn't get nearly the undercoat that Belle does, and he is not a fan of the cold.
Now, every plan I've had to improve the quality of these dogs' lives, every attempt I've made at establishing new routines have all gone down in a pile of flames. For instance, when I replaced some of Buster's food with green beans to help him lose weight, Belle ate all the green beans and nothing else, while Buster ate both of their regular food. So he was getting more food and Belle was happily eating veggies. (Seriously - she LOVES carrots. She steals peeling out of the trash while I am cooking. She just does this casual walk-by thing and doesn't even slow down. Little shit.)
These two find ways around my plans every. single. time.
Behold:
You guys! I totally won! I won this round!! Buster loves his coat. I think he actually understands that it keeps him warm. He just hangs out and wags his tail while I put it on him. He doesn't even squirm or act like an idiot!
He thinks my current paper would be a "really, really good" plan B paper (not a thesis) with very little work. However, I would then need to present a 24-item reading list in the field of what I consider American Studies and present it to my committee. Then, I would have to basically take comp exams over it (three questions from my committee with three days to write/respond), and defend both the paper and my exam to my committee by December.
I don't know that I am familiar enough with any 24 readings to do this by December. Thoughts? It is "open book," but to do this at the level required I would need to be very, very familiar with these readings. I have about 15 items I feel that comfortable with, but that is it.
The other option is to continue with The Thesis. He is mostly pretty happy with it, actually. My analysis/synthesis section would have to be substantial, which I think it will be.
I think I have a better chance of wrapping up The Thesis, though I am not at all opposed to a Plan B. finish.
I am to email him today with some thoughts on my analysis section and potential reading list and we are meeting again on Tuesday to hash it out.
Thoughts?
2. Last night, A. and I made lamb chops for the first time. We seared them over high heat and then moved the pan into a super hot oven for 10 minutes. It was smoky (as was expected).
What wasn't expected was the dogs reactions. Before A. and I could discern any smoke, the dogs both started acting super nervous, fidgety and scared. We let them outside. A bit later the smoke detectors when off and it took a while to get them to stop screeching. The dogs were still outside for this.
I went to let the dogs in and they both skidded to a stop at the threshold. Their noses were sniffing and were wiggling in overdrive. They REFUSED to enter the house.
We finally coaxed Buster back in with the promise of treats two hours later, but Belle refused. She refused ever invitation, and slept outside. She still wouldn't come in this morning. When she finally did come in, she was literally walking so close to A. that she was touching him at all times. She curled up with me for a bit. She was shaking the whole time. I have NEVER seen Belle shake before. Never.
We totally, utterly tramautized our dogs while making dinner.
But the chops turned out fantastic.
But I still feel horrible!
3. I feel even worse because this afternoon I am dropping them off to the kennel and that freaks them the fuck out for a good week after we've picked them up.
4. It is kind of hard to feel excited for my trip to Portland knowing the dogs are miserable. I am trying to keep perspective on this, but I am stupidly empathetic with the dogs, so who knows.
5. I can't believe Gretchen got to advance on Project Runway. Team Mondo forever!
I am terrified of needles. My imagination just goes too far when I think about the needle puncturing my skin, piercing through the different layers and densities if tissue and into my skinny vein. I am convinced that there is weird suctioning going on when in fact, it is just the force of my heartbeat pushing blood into the tube, but still. Skinny, weird suctioning of a needle in my vein! What if it sucks up the other side of my vein INTO the needle?!?!?
I am not kidding. I missed my calling as an artist for X-Files or one of the many CSI shows.
On Tuesday, I got my flu shot, all by myself. I am less worried about suctioning with shots than I am about the whole piercing thing and fluids being forced into muscle tissue. Dear God.
Usually, I am embarrassed to admit, my co-workers escort my wussy ass to make sure I do not chicken out and hide in a hallway. This year, everyone was out of the office when shots were being offered, so I went by myself. I did not even freak out! I know! My heart did not race! It is like I am a grown up woman who can slap away irrational fears or something.
Then, yesterday, I got my blood drawn for a blood chem test. And I only broke out into a small sweat! My heart did not really race. I did not hyperventilate or pass out. And unlike the last time I had my blood drawn, I did not lose my hearing in my left ear as my system went into Super Anxiety Mode. Amazing! A co-worker did go with me and we got our blood drawn at the same time. She told everyone how proud she was of me. I am so ridiculous.
I have always hated needles. I passed out when I got my MMR shot for college. I cried for days when I got, what -- five stitches, when I had two small moles removed. I was a fucking mess during the procedure, and cried for about three days everytime I thought about the stitches. They were at my waist, and I was certain my skin would stretch and then pull the stitches out and ohmygodIamgoingtobarfrightnow.
Maybe I need to amend that sentence up there? Maybe I used to be terrified of needles, but now I just have the normal dislike of being poked and prodded. Huh. I mean, I did pretty damn good when I got my eyebrow stitched up a few months ago, and I never once freaked out about the stitches while they were in.
I think I need to go shopping for a new size of Crazy Pants!
2. I had my annual wellness physical a week or so ago. The PA gave me three recommendations/reminders:
a. Exercise. Exercise. Exercise. b. Keep wearing my seat belt all the time. c. Wear a helmet in the shower.
3. A.’s hunting partner called last night and had to cancel this weekend’s hunt. A. is really bummed out. I am bummed because that means he really will have to go hunting next weekend, the last weekend of the season, and can’t join me in Portland for my friend’s wedding. I know quite a few people going to the wedding, and I actually enjoy running around a new city, exploring it on my own. But, still. It would be nice to have A. there. A. has not met any of these friends, and I feel like something is missing. The groom and another couple of guys at the wedding were a big part of my life in college, and I’d like them all to know each other.
4. I am going to read fun books, have drinks with a friend, and knit this weekend. All of this “having a life” sort of stuff is going to come to a screeching halt once I meet with my “Adviser” next Tuesday to discuss the next steps in the completion of The Thesis.
I am pretty fucking grumpy about this. Especially because it coincides with the baseball playoffs. This is yet another reason why I handed it in in August! I wouldn’t have minded missing the Rockies tank.
5. I think I am also going to bake some bread and try my hand at apple pie. It has been in the 70s and 80s for the past two weeks, and I loved it. However, Autumn arrived today and I will try to make the best of the chill in the air.
What are you doing to welcome/make peace with Fall?
1. I am so flippin' relieved to know I will not be making a mad dash to be on the road by 6:00 p.m. to start an epic road trip. I am full of energy just because I know I won't be trapped in the car this weekend.
2. A very good friend of mine sent me some good advice about my current stand off with The Thesis. (Thanks, MT! Have an awesome weekend with all things Disney!) I am going to tumble around in that advice over the weekend.
3. The students are all returning as university classes start on Monday. It really sucks to live in this town this time of year. SUCKS SO HARD. I am planning to do my grocery shopping at 11:00 p.m. Saturday night. So. Annoyed.
4. Buster has taken to the idea that he cannot go outside to pee in the morning until after he's had his breakfast. A. deals with this nonsense every morning. Buster does his weird staring/backing up thing in A.'s line of vision until he relents and fills his food bowl. After snarfing the food down in 15 seconds (I wish I was kidding), he then prances around nervously, because, DUDE, he has to PEE.
1. As I was walking toward my building on my way to work this morning, a friendly woman crossed my path and we chit-chatted for a while. I had never met her before, and enjoyed the happy-see-strangers-arent-bad-we-can-beat-the-suburbs-isolation moment. We both said goodbye in happy, sing-song voices.
2. As I walked to the doors of my building and caught my reflection in the glass I saw that I still had a roller in my bangs.
3. I am having some serious issue with The Thesis and whether or not it is worth my time (and my life!) to finish. More on that later, possible over at Fledgling.
4. I get to see my three nephews on my side of the family this weekend. I cannot wait. I CANNOT WAIT. I walked by a display of cotton candy and had to get some "for the boys." I damn near plopped down $35 on three teeny Wyoming Cowboy baseball hats for them.
You can bet that I will, indeed, be pinching their cheeks tomorrow.
I need to be stopped.
5. Otters. They are quite possibly the most awesome animal on Planet Earth.
1. I turned the corner to my desk this morning and was greeted by a beautiful Calla Lily plant. My coworkers chipped in and got it for me as a way to say they are thinking of me after the loss of my uncle.
2. What a blessing to feel so cared for by the people you work next to for 40 hours of every week. I am so, so, so fortunate to work where I do.
3. I am going shopping tonight or tomorrow, as quickly as possible, for a dress to wear to a friends wedding and maybe a few more shirts for work. I hate shopping, and I just want to get it over with.
4. A.'s friend bailed on him on their plans to go up and get firewood this weekend. I REALLY need to wrap up the god damned thesis, and this is my ONLY free weekend in the next six weeks. I NEED this weekend to be mine.
But I really don't like the idea of A. going up to the mountains with a so-scary-because-it-can-kill-you chainsaw, cutting down huge-ass so-scary-because-they-can-smoosh-you trees. Plus, then he has to cut the trees to size and load them all by himself.
He is totally willing to do this by himself. I am just worried. It seems like a foolish plan to me.
What do I do?
5. It doesn't even feel like summer. I have gone fishing TWICE. Twice! We have only gone to ONE Rockies game (though, damn, they are breaking my heart this year), and we have only gone camping ONCE. WTF?
I am just in a crabby ass mood.
Happy Friday to you! May you not be surrounded by crabby people!
No, that sentiment is not original, but damn is it ever heartfelt.
2. I am going with A. this weekend to be with our friends. It turns out they are going to be spreading the ashes of J.'s parents, so yes. I will most definitely be there.
3. I am taking my laptop and will work in the car. We are leaving tonight after work and the scenic part of the drive will be in the dark. So, I may as well make use of the time. I took your advice and I have two small but distinct goals for the weekend. Hopefully that will help me focus or relax as needed.
4. I have gone to the gym a few times, and am faithfully recording everything I eat and drink. I manage to stay around 2,000 calories, but haven't really put my heart into trying to stay around 1,500. I think it will be quite possible with some planning, but I just haven't put the time into it. As it is, by staying around 2,000 I am consuming about 4- to 500 less calories a day. That's progress, yes?
And damn. If I try to get all the fruit and veggies and fiber in that I am aiming for, I am stuffed. It is pretty cool.
5. We are kenneling the dogs over the weekend. We both hate doing this. They really don't like it - at all. They are both exhibiting separation anxiety, and it just kills me to see little BELLE shivering as we walk away. OH, GOD. I just kills me. My little brave Belle. Shivering from fear of being left.
We do all the recommended stuff - or rather don't do what isn't recommended. We don't coo over them or say bye or look back. We don't make a big deal of it when we pick them up. But still. THEY SHAKE AND SHIVER.
1. Things are finally starting to slow down just a bit here. Last Thursday I attended the memorial for our friend's parents. I don't know how to explain it other than it was a relief to know that was the last trip of that kind. I know that sounds selfish and horrible, but damn. It has been so emotionally and physically exhausting. I can't imagine how J. and his family are holding up.
2. A. is being very conscientious of his friend and his grieving process. He is adamant that we be a support for him for many months to come. (I agree.) For next weekend, he planned a hiking trip with them. We will meet in the middle of the state; half the distance between us. We are also planning a trip to Billings in a month or so to visit. A. talks to him or chats online with him nearly every day. He is such a good friend, you guys.
3. Another story about what an awesome guy A. is: During one of our trips to visit J. and his dad in the hospital, A. suddenly pulled over on the highway, flipped a U-turn and headed back in the direction we came. I asked him what was going on. He pulled over and pointed.
An antelope (or pronghorn, if you are fussy) was stuck in a fence and was struggling to get out.
A. got out of the car. He told me he was going to go free the animal. He asked if I wanted to come with. I was kind of terrified, but decided yes, I did want to go with him. Just as we were getting out of the car, the antelope freed itself.
He just does stuff like this. You know. The right thing. The thoughtful thing. The generous thing.
You guys. HOLY COW, I LOVE THIS MAN.
Also, is is so freakin' hot.
Even if he has gotten into the habit of saying, "Shitty motherfuckers" every time he forgets something. (Wha?!)
4. I am trying to lose weight for the first time in my life. (I am not saying that to be smug or anything. I happened to have a kick ass metabolism that, well, doesn't kiss ass so much anymore.)
I am using SparkPeople to track my calories, nutrients, and exercise. It took a while to get going because I cook most things from scratch, and of course the food database is nearly all commercial (processed) products. I had to add in all the recipes I use. I routinely do the same kind of data entry for the cookbooks I produce at work, so it didn't take too long.
I ate like I normally do and tracked it, and was, shall we say, surprised, by how many calories I was accustomed to snarfing up every day. Enlightenment is humbling.
I don't really know what I am doing, I guess. I am trying to remain within 1,500 - 1,700 calories, get 5 full servings of fruits and veggies, and 25 grams of fiber. I am also trying to make sure that at least 30% of my calories come from protein. I am surprised by how little protein and how many carbs I eat. I thought I was more balanced than that, but no. I was also surprised by how much food you get to eat if you try to incorporate all that fruit and veg (as the Brits would say). Who knew!?
I have nothing to do with the "social" aspect of the site. The thought just annoys the shit out of me for whatever reason.
5. I finally get a weekend to myself to try and wrap up this damn thesis. Please don't ask how The Thesis is going. I am really sick of that question. Thanks!
1. This morning, as I drank a cup of coffee before getting in the shower, I managed to see South Africa score the first goal of the World Cup. That seems so, so right.
2. I don't know the first thing about soccer.Okay, maybe I do, as the first thing probably has something to do with kicking the ball, yes? That, right there, is the sum of my knowledge on the sport.
3. A colleague from Germany tried to explain the World Cup and how it works to me, but I am utterly overwhelmed. It seems they are always playing toward the World Cup. And the current play isn't tournament play, or something? Wha?
If you know anything of the World Cup and soccer, please send me some dumbed-down cliff notes.
4. What the hell is that weird, non-stop buzzing noise? NO. REALLY. What the hell is it? Can you hear it in the stands?
5. I spent a lot of time over that cup of coffee sending prayers up for the Mandela family, and thinking how I should live my life with more purpose as a way of thanks to Nelson Mandela.
1. Thanks for the Get The Grumps Out suggestions. You guys are awesome, you know that?
2. After my late afternoon therapy appointment yesterday (which was productive, but I was still grumpy), I called in to work to let them know I wasn't coming back. I just didn't feel like it, dammit. I am in the middle of projects that bore me to tears, and it is so hard for me to give a shit once I am bored.
3. After A. got off of work, we decided to go back into town and go to dinner and just enjoy the weather. It was so good to reconnect, rather than what has become our routine of late: scarf down dinner together and then separate. It was nice not to go hide from him in the back room to work on The Thesis. It was so nice to talk to him and just enjoy him. I do love that man.
Our little outing together did WONDERS for my mood.
4. I have started to job hunt, in anticipation of finishing The Thesis. I found a job that is part patient advocate (ALWAYS wanted to do this) and part family/patient coordinator/navigator-thingy at a large hospital in Denver. I would love this job. Sure, it would be tough, especially those days when I have to try to get a surgeon to quit being a dick and talk to a patient's family. But I am not in the least bit intimidated by surgeons or other arrogant, entitled fucks, so I think I would be good at it.
I would never be bored in a job like that.
Also? I would always wonder if I was about to be fired! The anticipation! I mean, I doubt surgeons enjoy being called dicks, you know? It would only be a matter of time until I got canned.
5. A goddamn English sparrow has been hanging around our bird boxes. Both a Mountain Bluebird pair (my favorite! I hope they move in!) and a pair of swallows (gorgeous) have been checking out our boxes. And now there is this Asshole Sparrow hanging around, being a bully.
When I stumbled out of the bedroom this morning to pour myself a cup of coffee, I was startled completely awake as A. ran by me, swearing. He is a total morning person, so this was weird behavior. I mean, just minutes before he was singing, "Good Morning! Good Morning! It is good to get out of bed! Good Morning, Good Morning! It is good to get up, sleepy head!" (Fucking morning people.)
Anyway, he rummaged around the hall closet until he found his sling shot (purchased for the sole purpose of Sparrow Deterance), and opened the front door. He was taking aim at the little bully when the sparrow flew away.
"Crafty little devil. He knows what's coming."
We, um, take our role of Protectors of the Bird Boxes rather seriously.
1. I got my stitches taken out this morning. Now I look like my eyebrow has been chewed on, but for the most part it looks and feels great. I don't think the scar will be too noticeable, and I am less concerned about it than I thought I would be. I never once freaked out about the stitches. Major victory in battling The Crazy!
2. I found this awesome, Hippie Approved coffee "sweetener." It is agave nectar flavored with organic vanilla beans. It is delicious and low glycemic. It took some fiddling to figure out how much to use in my coffee this morning, but I am here to tell you I am happily caffinated.
3. It is snowing here again. We woke up to not quite two inches of very heavy snow, and are continuing to be buried under wet, large flakes. We are under a Winter Weather Advisory, and are expected to get seven inches with 40 MPH winds.
4. Please tell me what Spring is like. In detail. And send pictures. Thanks.
5. I still have not purchased anything with the bit of birthday cash I received in February. I am not much for shopping. Especially for myself.
So. What should I get? If I don't purchase something soon I am just going to toss that money on top of a car payment or something. I doubt that is what the generous gift-givers had intended. So.
I have been slightly obsessed with getting a Clarisonic Mia every since Slynnro talked about her full-sized gizmo. I would really love not to have pores like my mother. I love my late mother to no end, but I still do not want to inherit her skin. But, I feel totally ridiculous spending that much money on something for my face. My SCARRED face! My goodness.
But, I would kind of like an iPod Nano, too. I think. I hate buying another Apple thing that is going to trap me into only Apple software, etc. etc. I currently have a 7-year-old G4 Powerbook. It still works. It is slow compared to computers now, but it absolutely still works perfectly.
But the operating system is this [--] much to old for ANY contemporary software or components to work with it. So frustrating. And of course, everything I used on that Mac is not compatible with our Windows 7 machine. I don't know if adding a Nano to the mix will just send me over the edge of Computer Bullshit.
Or, maybe a pair of Chaco sandals? A comfy pair just for running around in, not for fly fishing.
Or - maybe a sewing machine? I would loooove to learn to sew, and already have a bazillion projects in mind. But what if this ends up being a hobby that never goes anywhere?
I don't want a Kindle, mostly because I am trying to get all of my books from libraries.
Help me brainstorm some "fun" things to think about getting. Not just practical stuff.
1. A.'s friend's mom passed away a few weeks ago when A. went up to stay with his friend. It was good that they were together, I think, for both of them. She was surrounded by family and wasn't in pain. It was the kind of passing you hope for someone you love.
His friend just found out his father has cancer. It is a small growth, but he is not in good health and won't be able to tolerate chemo. So, we are hoping that surgery and radiation will be enough.
Please continue to send good thoughts/vibes/karma.
2. The Thesis is closer to done. Please send good thoughts/vibes/karma my way, if you can spare them.
3. I am really screwing up an important work deadline by taking two days off a week to work on The Thesis. I am trying to convince myself that sometimes shit happens and this is necessary collateral damage. Truth be told, I would much rather the damage be done at work (and unfortunately, likely some work relationships) than at home. Of that I am certain.
4. There are a loads of little birds outside my work window. And hoo, boy! They have a lot on their minds right now. They are really chatting it up. It is delightful.
5. I made my own homemade saltine crackers the other night. They are ridiculously easy and SO! YUMMY!
I also made the Pioneer Woman's Great-Grandmother Iny's cake. The buttermilk only had a couple of days before it would expire, so I had to make it. This is no time to be wasteful!
If you like spice cake, you will love this cake. Don't be afraid of the ingredients. Just go make it right now. It will make just about everything ok.
1. It is snowing. Again. The reports all differ, with some sources predicting a couple of inches and others a couple of feet (absurd!). Whatever.
2. All of the administrative crap for The Thesis is completed and accepted! I managed to jump through at least three moving hoops! And one that was on fire! I am a goddess!
My degree check went through and all the relevant departments have been alerted to my intention of graduating. All that is left is the actual, official letter from IRB (rather than the unofficial email I received) and the actual completed and accepted THESIS. Both of which have me nervous. Please, please materialize!
3. The Thesis is moving along well-ish. Not nearly as quickly as I would like, nor as eloquently or insightful. Again: Whatever.
4. I have not practiced meditating for over a week now, and boy, can I tell. I can feel the nagging, incessant anxiety of The Thesis starting to follow me, seep into my thoughts, regardless of where my mind is or should be.
I made a concerted effort last night to put aside time to meditate. I slept so much better and didn't feel that ever-present buzz of anxiety when I woke up.
I whole-heartedly endorse this meditating nonsense!
5. Tonight I am going to embark on a search for muck boots. Where does one find muck boots? A ranch outfitters store?
I have come to terms knowing that they are going to be necessary. Yuck.
1. Night before last I dreamt that Michelle Obama came to visit me and my two best friends, DPR and JelBel. We tried to play some music for her on three different saxophones, but had forgotten some of the notes. I felt a bit ridiculous, but she just smiled her awesome smile. We decided to call it a night, and she insisted on sleeping on the couch. I fretted about finding her a blanket that wasn't covered in dog hair.
The next mornig we decided to show Mrs. Obama some of the Wyoming landscape. While DPR and JelBel took her to see some random land formation, I babysat Buster, Belle, and Bo, The First Pup, and made breakfast from scratch.
Mrs. Obama was wearing a really pretty, cream skirt suit and heels and I woried about her hiking in those heels.
WEIRD.
2. I did not get Dream Job. I didn't even get an interview! Honestly, that surprised the hell out of me. What surprises me more is that I am not devastated. Disappointed, sure. But feeling totally okay. I still fee like I would have kicked ass at that job and I am pretty sure they are idiots for not hiring me. I am not doubting that. How cool is that?
3.I have applied for another job for which I am positive I will be amazing. (Smug, much?) I need my Thesis Advisor send an ABD (All But Dissertation) letter to Who-I-Hope-Will-Be-My-Future-Employer. That feels lame. Also, this is the advisor who is not so good with details or timeliness. I think I am going to call his ass at home and request the letter. So far, he has not acknowledged my email about it. Yeah. I am calling him. I think it is well within his responsibilities as an advisor and mentor to help me get a job, yes?
4. Last night A. and I went to my office Christmas party. It was a really fun evening, surrounded by really good people. I am so fortunate and grateful for my co-workers. This is not hyperbole; they are good people. I don't necessarily want to leave my current job, though I wouldn't mind a new challenge, that is for sure. I don't want to leave these co-workers. But, A. and I are trying to move on to post-grad school goals, and so it goes. I do want to put us in a position where A. can start to pursue his goals. That is my most current goal. Certainly not my only goal, but for right now, for Team A. & Artmeisia, that is what has to happen.
5. Did you know that an ingrown hair that turns nasty is considered a boil? A boil? I guess I thought of boils as some random, medieval trial of some sort. You know, that when away with the advent of soap.
I happened across that delectable tid-bit during some random googling yesterday, and it was not googling about icky skin infections, either. A BOIL. Yuck.
2. How about some riveting weather chit chat, eh? What can I say? When it is -40 with windchill weather is kind of an omnipresent topic, you know?
We've had enough snow and wind to totally drift my car in at the house. We are a one-truck household right now. I kind of like it when this happens. I feel like such a team, what with A. and I planning our schedules and helping each other out. It is kind of sweet. In a pain-in-the-ass, bitch-under-your-breath, poke-your-eyes-out-with-the-fireplace-poker sort of way.
It has been somewhere around -15 and -22 for nearly two weeks now, with highs reaching 4 degrees, at best. To keep our pipes from freezing we've kept the wood stove going throughout the night. This means A. and I take turns getting up at 1:30 a.m. or 4:00 a.m. to add wood to the fire. I am so flippin' tired! I was positively delirious when my alarm went off this morning at 4:00 a.m. No, really. It was one of those wake up's where you are pretty much back asleep as you hit the off button. Thankfully A. got up and took care of the fire, because it never even crossed my mind at 4:00 a.m.
I am in total awe of all parents who survive keeping infants alive. Dear lord.
3. We are working on training Buster and Belle to stay at home without us without anxiety, but they aren't there just yet. This has been a bit of a bummer with the super sub-zero temperatures. We can't leave the dogs in their doghouse, even if it is very well insulated. I worked from home three days during this two-week cold snap so the dogs could rough it by taking their naps next to the fire. But I have run out of remote work (unless I configure my home system differently, which I might try and do this weekend.) So, I decided to day-board the dogs at the fancy-schmancy vet in town for the last three sub-zero days. (It was surprisingly inexpensive, just $13/day for both pups.)
So, for most of this week I drop A. off at work in the morning then drop the dogs off at the vet. Again, I don't know how people have kids and schlep them all off to school and daycare and whatnot before going to work. Saints, the whole lot of you.
Wednesday night, in her excitement TO! BE! FREE!, Belle ripped a toenail clear out when she exited the kennel. She didn't make a peep, or pay any notice to her foot. She was too busy squirming around, saying hi. We couldn't help but notice all of the blood all over the lobby floor, however. Holy. Shit. That had to hurt, but you wouldn't know it by how Belle was jumping around, wagging her tail. (Needless to say, I was really glad we were boarding them at a vet's office.)
Poor thing had to get the nail sheath completely removed and her little paw is all wrapped up. She hasn't whimpered, whined, wobbled, limped or licked at her foot at all. In fact, I have to keep her from rough housing with Buster and jumping up on the bed. I don't think she even felt it, the lunatic.
The antibiotics must have been a bit of a shock to her system, however. When I went to lift her out of the truck Thursday to carry her in to the vet's, I discovered, by way of olfactory horror, she had barfed up her breakfast. Yay! Not only did we have to dig our way out driftd snowpack that morning, but I got to scoop up doggy puke from all over the gear shift! Wahoo!
4. We went through our entire wood pile on the front porch, seeing as how we've been keeping the stove going nonstop. So, last night, A. and I bundled up in long underwear, jeans, turtlenecks, sweatshirts, snowpants, winter coats, balaclavas, hats and gloves and hauled wood to the front porch. It wasn't too windy, and was just above zero, so it wasn't nearly as miserable as I anticipated. But, still. It is a shit ton of work.
Yes, Thursday was a spectactular day, if you were wondering.
5. As I was digging chopped wood out of a snow drift, it once again became clear that my survivial is not automatic. It is not a given. Regardless of all the illusions we put up to make us think otherwise.
So, while the past couple of weeks have left me tired, sore, and sometimes delirious, I am grateful for the tangible reminder of my mortality, of my fragile agreement with the Universe to keep breathing.
1. Someone tied up their two dogs to a tree next to my office for over three hours. The young dog, still a puppy, barked the ENTIRE time. I finally went out there to make sure the dog was okay. She was; she just was stressed out that her owner was gone.
I left a note to let the owner know the dog wasn't handling being separated very well and was barking incessantly. I was trying to be diplomatic. Personally, I was am kind of concerned that they left their dogs there at all. I get that things are laid back here, but those dogs were clearly lonely. What if someone gets tired of the barking and goes out there and smacks her? Leaving your dogs unattended means they can get treated in any number of ways by any stranger that passes by. I am not okay with that.
I left my name and number on the note. (I hate when people leave anonymous notes. It seems so chickenshit.) I haven't heard anything. I wouldn't imagine I would get yelled at for having pet their dogs. They left them tied up in a very busy, public place, unattended for three hours. But you never know.
I wasn't too worried that the owner would beat the dog for barking. Both dogs were happy and carefree; neither of them showed any shyness or hesitancy toward me when I walked up to them and pet them. I really don't think the dogs are being beat. I just think the little one has some separation anxiety issues. Unfortunately, those issues make her very, very loud. This is a campus; someone is going to get fed up and call Animal Control.
Would you have left a note?
2. We are supposed to get about six inches of SNOW today/tonight and it is supposed to drop down to SINGLE DIGITS tonight. This is going to be one helluva long winter.
3. I have decided to apply for the job. I am meeting the person currently in the position for a drink this weekend to discuss the position and the organization. I am having some issues with this, but that is another post for another blog.
4. A. came home after four days of hunting (well, one day of hunting and three days of hanging out at his mom's wondering if the snow was going to break so he could continue hunting). One of the three fellas in his hunting party got his first bull elk.
It has snowed all week in his hunting area and he is losing hope that they will be able to get back in to the back country before the season closes. If we move from Wyoming this will be his last chance to hunt in this area, and it is his favorite area bar none.
I hope the storms break for a bit.
I was still anxious as he left for his trip, but much, much less so than normal. Yay, for modern chemistry and mood-altering drugs! Oh, and therapy, too.
5. To remove my make up at night, I have started using straight up olive oil. It is awesome and I can't recommend it enough. There! My secret is out. Do you have any strange/brilliant/unusual beauty routines or tips?
1. Last night I squeezed 10 lemons and stored the juice in the fridge. Originally, those lemons were to be the sour in homemade Whiskey Sours. Now they are the lemon in my "I'm siiiiiick" tea with honey.
2. I am staying home again today. This is my third day home. I could probably load up on cold medicine and manage to suffer through a work day, but I would rather not. Plus, I really don't want to spread germs around. This cold has been a doozey, and I certainly don't want anyone else feeling this crappy.
3. Speaking of spreading germs, I really, really, hope I didn't spread this yuckiness to A. He leaves tonight to do some scouting work in his elk hunting area. He knows of a rarely-used trail in the area and wants to clear it of any dead, fallen trees and such this weekend. It would not be fun to do all that hard work while feeling this crappy.
I was originally considering going with him. I kind of liked the idea of helping with the hunt on some level. But I feel wretched, still. Plus, two of his hunting buddies have decided to join him. I might put a damper on their weekend in the mountains.
Besides, my head apparently exists solely as a vessel for copious amounts of snot, and my throat is raw from me breathing through my mouth for the past two days. Man, I really hope he doesn't catch this.
4. I am so sick of tea, you guys.
5. That's it. I am getting rid of as many books as necessary to make it so every book has a spot in our existing bookshelf. Who am I kidding? I am not going to re-read Dante's Inferno or The Art of Mesoamerica again anytime soon.
In between marathon nose-blowing, I am going to start hauling books into boxes for donation to the library. At least I won't be sitting around watching the Lifetime network again today.(Um, I have a new confession: I kind of LOVE the show Wife Swap. I know.)
I am ready to get to my house tonight and not come into town again until Monday morning.
You see, tomorrow is the Wyoming Cowboys/Texas Longhorns game. Hotels are sold out in town and within a 75-mile radius. There have been RV's camped out all over the place with Texas plates. Apparently, a whole slew of Wyoming season tickets were bought up by Texans to ensure they could see this game. I can't imagine why. I love Wyoming with all my heart, but we all know who is going to win.
No way in hell do I want to be anywhere near all the drunk students this week. Nor the insane crowd of TEXANS. Drunk or sober.
We can deduce two things from my reaction to, and preparation for, the upcoming event: 1) I have reacclimated to small-town Wyoming rather completely and 2) I am getting old and crotchety.
2. I hope we don't get completely obliterated by the Longhorns. Or that any of the players get hurt.
3. A. and I are going to try to split and stack nearly four cords of wood this weekend. I am quite certain I won't be able to raise my hands over my head on Monday. Oy.
4. The little division of landowners in our area do not have a HOA. This does not surprise me in the least; Wyomingites aren't really into rules and people telling them what they can and can't do with their property. The culture here is, for the most part, live and let live. In fact, a tiny town about 45 miles north of us HAS NO LAW ENFORCEMENT OF ANY SORT. None. Well, unless you count the Game Warden who lives there.
Not having a HOA means that there is no association to handle getting our roads graded and plowed (we aren't on a county road, boo.), among other things. A few weekends ago, while A. and I were fly-fishing our way across western Wyoming, all the landowners got together for a potluck to discuss the road issue. I was so dissappointed to miss the meal. It is hard to get to know your neighbors with 10, 20 and 40 acres between you and them and I was hoping to talk to the people I wave to everyday.
From what I hear, the meeting went really well. People agreed on how to pay for fixing the road and grading and plowing it. To have it done professionally will cost twice as much so we are doing it ourselves. One of my neighbors used to build roads for the Forest Service so we are going to draw on his expertise. Another neighbor has nearly all of the major equipment we need.
Next weekend, we are renting the couple of machines we don't have access to and all of the neighbors are coming out to tear up and rebuild the first section of road off the highway. A. and I will be spending our weekend hauling huge ass rocks to the grinder, then helping lay them out after the road has been built up and leveled.
In a rather overdramatic, romantic sort of way, I feel like a fucking pioneer. Building my own road? Chopping four MORE cords of wood to ensure heat throughout the winter? Also, A. will be going hunting in a couple of weeks and hopefully will come home with what will be our meat for the year. Geez. I am both amused and dismayed by this.
5. Whenever I am in the mountains or plains doing something, especially getting firewood or some other work, I always think about the shoes pioneer women wore, the hideous, purposely-smaller-than-her-foot, too-many-buttoned shoes. How the fuck did they walk, let alone work in those? It makes be think twice about bitching when the screw in my ankle rubs on my hiking boots.
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