Last night he was walking funny. He would do his walk-around-to-get-the-bugs-out-of-my-den thing but would not lay down. He didn't jump up on the couch, he old-man creeped up on it.
This morning, he did not jump on the bed to join us as he does every morning at 5:30 a.m. sharp. A. scooped him up to put him on the bed and he yelped and was super anxious. (he is a 55-pound dog, so it was some serious scooping.)
He did jump off the bed quite happily when A. shook his food bowl for breakfast, however.
But he is still walking funny. Once he gets laid down he doesn't get back up. Something is really wrong with either a back leg or his back. I am convinced his back is broken somehow.
We have a vet appointment at 3:40 p.m. I am heartbroken that my baby is in pain.
2. So, yeah. I defended my non-thesis paper and research (still bitter) and am done! (Almost - I have about an hour's worth of revisions to the paper and then re-submit it to my chair. I also have two more books to read and discuss by Monday for my independent study. But this is a piece of cake.)
I gave a really horrible presentation; I am soooooo bad at presentations. I get ridiculously nervous. I act okay during the presentation, but my brain just stops and I don't remember nearly anything I am supposed to mention. Horrible. I had some pretty interesting stuff to share, but of course shared the obvious and boring shit instead. Even with note card cues. Gah. But everyone liked my slides, so, eh, that is a plus.
But the private defense with my committee went much better. They gave me two hard questions and then it turned into a really fun nerd bull session. (One question was from the committee member outside my department, and DAMN. It was difficult.)
3. My two favorite things about this whole defense bullshit:
a) My committee member from outside my department told me she loved reading my paper and that I opened up the spaces I was discussing to her in a way she had never experienced before. She told me she learned something.
That right there made it worth it.
She is no lightweight, either. She is one of the most genuine people I know, and was very involved with my research all along the way. During the defense, she asked me how to describe my understanding of space via postmodernist perspectives to an essentialist. Ha, ha, ha, ha. That was no cakewalk, at least not for me.
b) My second committee member, who is from my department, saw me the next day as said, "Yeah. I really enjoyed the conversation yesterday. I am still thinking about it."
4. So, apparently I am not as stupid as I have convinced myself. Grad school + Depression really does a number on one's confidence as a scholar. Gah.
5. THANK YOU for letting me freak out and get angry and scared and excited and everything else. Thanks for reading and supporting me. You all were important to my completing this thing, whether you think so or not.
Happy Friday to you!